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Thread: Yeow........my balls!!

  1. #1
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    Default Yeow........my balls!!

    anyone have any more stories like this from reddit?!


    I was riding my boyfriend on top, leaning over, boobs in his face. I told him how amazing he felt inside me, and he was telling me that he was about to come. Suddenly, he shrieked and threw me off to the side while he sat straight up in bed and grabbed his balls, cursing in pain. Apparently my cat climbed onto the bed, saw his testicles bouncing rhythmically up and down, and decided that they would be the best cat toy ever. Kitty literally dove under my ass and bit him right in the nuts. In case you were wondering, it's really hard to put a band-aid on your boyfriend's scrotum!

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  3. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by jamieboyo View Post
    anyone have any more stories like this from reddit?!
    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis", and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
    You wont know, until you try!

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  5. #3
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    your thread make bollocks look like a genius.

  6. #4
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    How about this one!!!

    I was laying on a guy's chest after sex and I was very relaxed and almost asleep and I let out a MASSIVE loud, smelly fart and scared myself awake. I'm sure I jolted, but I just pretended to be asleep.

  7. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by tony1 View Post
    your thread make bollocks look like a genius.
    Maybe he is now, maybe he is!!!!!

    LOL

    (as long as he's not Italian, I don't really give a shit!!)
    Last edited by jamieboyo; 20-12-14 at 00:29.

  8. #6
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    One morning in January ...
    Three prostitutes huddling on a bench in the park ...
    - Guys, what time I got to live! ... said first left,
    I got to suck the cock only for a steak in a restaurant!
    - Eeeh ... let it go girls ... sigh the middle,
    ... I just got to suck for a cake with whipped cream ...
    - stop grumble so much! ... snapped last,
    I got to suck, just to feel something warm in my mouth!
    Some people are such treasures that you just want to bury them

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  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by tony1 View Post
    your thread make bollocks look like a genius.
    Bollocks doesn't look like a genius.

    He is a genius.

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    jamieboyo (20-12-14)

  12. #8
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    So i haven't seen my gf for about 2 months and she's staying for a week. We planned to have sex everyday a couple of times a day while she was here. Well its day 2 of her visit and after a Saturday night out at the club and a promise of a swallow, we head home (2am) and she starts off with a nice blowjob leading to some deepthroat.

    After a bit of that we start goin at it in missionary and switch it up to doggy and she is getting really really wet. So i lay her back down on the bed and start goin really hard and deep into her and she starts moaning louder and that just makes me go harder and faster. Mind you i slipped out like twice already.


    So as im going inside her with the force of a 100 men, I slip out one last time and BAM something felt like it snapped in my penis and i stopped in my tracks. (I basically slammed my penis into the bone around her vagina). I shot straight up, looked down and freaking blood all over my gf's vagina and upper thigh and I thought maybe it was her or something.

    Nope i saw blood gushing out of my penis in spurts like wtf holy shit! What erection I did have, now in its place was a flaccid penis and a huge, swollen bulge inside it! That bulge was bigger than my penis. So I hold it and the blood stops and I run to the washroom and point it in the toilet and blood is just gushing out all over the place in spurts.


    We head to the hospital around 3am and basically jump the line and the staff ask me if its an emergency. I was like umm we were having sex and now bloods coming out of my penis. The guys were like "Damn! What did you do to him?" to my gf. I thought that was funny.

    So they take me in and give me something for the pain and we wait till 10.30am for the urologist. He checks me out and gives me a CT scan and an Xray with a dye test. At 1pm we do the surgery and it came out that I ruptured the vessel that holds the blood for an erection and I had ripped my urethra.


    Now here I am with a catheter in my penis and basically cant control my pee. It goes directly to a portable bag attached to my leg. Blunt trauma to my penis resulting in a rupture in 2 different places.


    TL;DR
    broke my penis while having sex. Ruptured the erection vessel and urethra, almost got a circumcision, got stitches for the tear. Now have a catheter in my penis. And in the end i didnt get my swallow

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  14. #9
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    Just in case anyone had trouble visualising my post

    Last edited by General Lee Awesome; 20-12-14 at 01:25.

  15. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Claudia23 View Post
    One morning in January ...
    Three prostitutes huddling on a bench in the park ...
    - Guys, what time I got to live! ... said first left,
    I got to suck the cock only for a steak in a restaurant!
    - Eeeh ... let it go girls ... sigh the middle,
    ... I just got to suck for a cake with whipped cream ...
    - stop grumble so much! ... snapped last,
    I got to suck, just to feel something warm in my mouth!
    Two Blonde Irish girls are sitting outside a bar one Summer's night chatting & smoking. The first blonde asks the second blonde "Which is closer Florida or the Moon?" The second blonde points skywards, giving the first blonde that "are you stupid?" look & says "helloooo, which one can you SEE!". The old ones are the best ones...
    Last edited by Yummyasslicker; 20-12-14 at 01:41.

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