A Brush with the Law

[Best Before]

This is a fictional account of what might happen if the New Law comes in!!
Just something to brighten up this damp and dreary morning

My apologies in advance for any spelling or grammatical errors!!


Garda; Excuse me Sir, can I ask where you’re going?

Best Before; You can…

Garda; Where are you going?

Best Before; Into those apartments there.

Garda; Who are you going to see?

Best Before; A friend.

Garda; I See.. What’s his or her Name?

Best Before; Sophie.

Garda; And second Name?

Best Before; Sophie Ex.

Garda; So you’re going to Visit an Escort!!

Best Before; What do you mean Garda?

Garda; Oh Nothing, so what apartment does she stay in?

Best Before; I don’t know, she hasn’t told me yet!!

Garda; That’s a bit strange don’t you think?

Best Before; Not really, she’s a big tease…

Garda; So you say, she’s your friend but you have never meet her before!!

Best Before; I have met her before just not in these apartments. The last time was in a luxury apartment in the center of Dublin.

Garda; So she’s a touring Escort!!

Best Before; What do you mean?...

Garda; Ahh…

Best Before; She travels around on Business.

Garda; Ohh I see, and what’s her line of business?

Best Before; Sales.

Garda; And what does she sell?

Best Before; She could sell shoes!!

Garda; Okay, and Can I ask what’s in the bag?

Best Before; Shoes…

Garda; And why does she want more shoes?

Best Before; You really don’t know anything about women do you Garda!!!

Garda; Ahh I’m married I will have you know?

Best Before; Happily??

Garda; ENOUGH, I ask the questions around here.. why are you giving her shoes?

Best Before; It’s her Birthday…. again.

Garda; Okay, and what’s age is she?

Best Before; Still 28!!

Garda; How could she still be 28?

Best Before; I will let you ask her that!!

Garda; Hum Okay… Sooo where did you meet her?

Best Before; Online.

Garda; So you meet her on Escort Ireland!!

Best Before; What’s Escort Ireland?

Garda; Jeez…

Best Before; Are we near finished here Garda I’m on the Clock!!

Garda; Just a few more questions!! Where does she come from?

Best Before; England and Poland mainly !!

Garda; How can she be from 2 different places?

Best Before; You better ask her Garda!!

Garda; You’re a bit of a smart arse, aren’t you?

Best Before; Do you want me to answer that Garda?

Garda; No… A few more questions and you can be on your way. What’s in the Envelope?

Best Before; Cash

Garda; So you’re going to pay for sex!!

Best Before; What do you mean!!!!

Garda; FORGET IT… What’s the cash for? Humour me!!

Best Before; It’s for showering and Laundry!!

Garda; Wait… You have to use her shower?

Best Before; Yes she always insists I take a shower when I visit her, I don’t know what it is… I think she might have a bit of that OCD or something!!

Garda; Right I seeeee…. And the laundry costs.

Best Before; It’s to pay for the towels I use to dry myself obviously, although the price she charges I could have several hundred showers at home and at least 20 trips to the launderette for the same price!! Next time I should get her to do an Outcall.

Garda; OUTCALL, you just said OUTCALL!!

Best Before; NO… I said… I should get her… to call out to me next time!! Is everything okay Officer?

Garda; So you’re not going in there to visit an Escort to pay for Sex?

Best Before; What do you mean!!!!!!!!

Garda; Sigh… Be on your way and have a good day.

Best Before; Don’t worry I will Garda

Garda; Prick….