THE WHY`S of MEN !!

[Hot Lizzy]

Yep, heard that one about ten years ago. At that time the ship was the USS John F. Kennedy.

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin , there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!" The others agree that sounds like a nice place. Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn , there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar. Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place called Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!" "Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies the Polish guy, "but it happened to my sister!"

[Hot Lizzy]

I am not offended, just some not so good but I admit the eletric chair one was funny.

Body Statistics
> >
> > It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
> >
> > One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
> > The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
> > Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
> > A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
> > There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
> > Women blink twice as often as men.
> > The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
> > Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
> > If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
> > Women reading this will be finished now.
> > Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs

[Hot Lizzy]

A little guy was sitting next to a big guy in a pub and asks " you wanna hear a good english joke?. The big guy frowned and answered "i just happen to be english,see those two big guys at the bar they are english and see the big bartender at he also is english.Do you still want to tell your english joke buddy? "Nope" sez the little guy. "why you scared we will beat the crap outta you,you know we are infamous all over the world for bar room brawls,our football fans been banned for fighting,riot police tool up when they hear us english are comming to town ,still want to tell your english joke. "I said no" sez little guy "i just dont want to have to explian the punchline four times"

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation were chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.".....

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE

[Hot Lizzy]

HEY UP FOLKS PLEASED YOU ENJOYED MY JOKE and IT BRIGHTENED UP YOUR DAy
Love n Licks
cheerful Tiff ( o )( o )Xx

http://stuff.pyzam.com/toys/tictacscare.swf

[tigergirls]

What a load of dry jokes. The woman can't even do that right. What a waste of space

[bigpaws]

Liz your jokes are not funny, they are just old ................ like you.

Also most of them are not actually "Irish" jokes, you have just edited them to make them so-called "Irish" jokes ................ making you a complete *offensive language removed* .................. now that's funny!!!!

Paws

[Hot Lizzy]

Liz your jokes are not funny, they are just old ................ like


you.

Also most of them are not actually "Irish" jokes, you have just edited them to make them so-called "Irish" jokes ................ making you a complete *offensive language removed* .................. now that's funny!!!!

Paws

Wrong again sherlock - i havent done anything to them thats how they were sent to me and all i did was to copy and paste...........sorry but you having to have half of what you wrote taken off now thats bloody funny.......... you just cant help yourself can you - as usual - Liz wins again.......... silly little boy go do your paper round.

Funny how all your paddy mates thought they were funny when i sent them to their mail direct - so you see i cannot have changed them cos they got the original sent to me -

cya.......so wouldnt want to be ya..............

Ask bbj or alechoran and a few others that got them direct to their hotmail........

[EmeraldWarrior]

Freddie Mercury,Gianni Versace and the Queen Mum arrive at the pearly gates.St Peter explains that only one can get through and each will have to state their case.

Freddie says " I know i havent led a perfect life,and made some mistakes along the way,but i have made some of the most beautiful music in the world.Ill stand at the back and serenade everyone and it will make it a happier place to be"

"Pretty good Fred" said St Peter "what about you Gianni"?

Versace says " I make the most beautiful clothes in the world,i will completely redesign all the fasions up here,from the archangels to the cherubs to the choirboys.As you know Pete if you look good you feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place to be"

With that the Queen mum lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers,inserts a bottle in her love box,lets the water shoot inside her and gush out over the floor.

"Excellent mam your in" says Peter

"Hold on a f**king minute" says Freddie " she didnt even say a word"

"Fred you know the rules" says St Peter "A royal flush beats a pair of queens"