Location: Government Buildings
Date: Early 1980s
Enter the Boss as he strolls nonchalantly towards his office, beckoning me to follow him inside. I notice a certain saddle-sore quality to his gate. Within the oak panelled office stands the massive executive desk from which all important decisions in the nation are made. On top of this is a paper weight with a bronze plaque announcing "The Buck Stops Here - Just Don't Ask How It Got Here".
CM: Good morning Boss. How are you this morning? You look a little saddle sore this
morning. A lady or a horse?
Boss: F**k off Marvado, it's none of your's or anybody else's business. A man in my
position is entitled to certain little luxuries in life without the great unwashed
masses reading about it over their breakfasts.
CM: Sorry Boss, I did'nt mean to get personal, but the journos are hounding me day and
night for information. They want to know where the money comes from and how and
with whom you spend it.
Boss: Just tell those f**king shite scribblers to f**k off Marvado.
CM: I do Boss.....on a daily basis.....they just wink their eyes and laugh at me at this
Boss: Then do it again Marvado, but this time do it with f**king menace, so they'll know
that there will be consequences.
CM: Right Boss, I get you. Poker face and draw my finger across my throat.
Boss: Don't forget the voice. But you'll learn; in a few decades, you and that little
snivelling shite from Drumcondra might just be able to fill my shoes between the
pair of you.
CM: Jesus, thanks for the vote of confidence Boss.
Boss: Don't get carried away Marvado, and don't ever try to fill my saddle.
CM: Christ no Boss, I would'nt dare try that (who'd even f**king want to).
Boss: What was that Marvado?
CM: Oh nothing Boss, just thinking.
Boss: I don't pay you to think. I do the thinking and you do as your told.
CM: Of course Boss, you are the Boss after all Boss.
I was wondering, any chance of me getting to take an early lunch break today
Boss: Why Marvado...what shenanigans have you up you sleeve now?
CM: Ohh nothing really Boss......man about a dog sort of thing.
Boss: What, Westie been causing trouble again, has he?
CM: No Boss, his bark is worse than his bite?
Boss: Well out with it then, I always know when you're trying to hide something from me.
CM: Well actually Boss, I had arranged to meet one of the ladies over lunch. You know
what I mean, don't you, THE LADIES!
Boss: I'm not fucking stupid Marvado....which one is it?
CM: She's called Patricia. I have'nt seen her before.
Boss: Ahh yes Pat. A very good choice Marvado. You won't be disappointed.
While you're there, give her some of these with my compliments.
CM: What are they Boss?
Boss: You numbskull have you never seen a condom before, a french letter, a rubber?
CM: Sure I have Boss...I've just never come across this brand before.
Boss: No, I get these made specially for me in Paris. They have an image of my face on
the top and the slogan "Vivre la Republique" down the side.
CM: Impressive Boss. I love the republican touch. You really know how to keep in with
the grass roots.
Boss: F**k the grass roots, I've shagged the arses off European royalty, not to mention
the decendents of the high kings of Ireland.
CM: But Boss, the law to make these things legal has'nt been passed yet.
Boss: F**k the law. I make it....so it's mine to break.
CM: Your powers of logic are impressive boss. But what's the other thing in the bag?
Boss: No need to look inside. It's just a little toy that Pat lent me.
CM: Right Boss. So it's Ok for me to take off early to go and visit Patricia then?
Boss: Yes Marvado.....anything for Patricia. Give her my card and you'll get a discount.
CM: Jesus thanks Boss, I could kiss your arse.
Boss: No thanks, it's been kissed already today.
By the way, on your way out tell Bigpaws and QPH to drop into my office.
CM: You must have something important planned for today then Boss.
Boss: Yes I need Paws to undertake some complicated and delicate research for me.
Then QPH can turn it into a speech that will impress my devoted public.
CM: Yeh Boss, QPH is your only man for the ould speeches, such passion, such
emotion, such feeling for what the common man and woman wants from life, such
Boss: Marvado, shut the f**k up.
CM: Yes Boss.
Boss: By the way, before QPH comes up, have security gag him. I want to do the talking
and have him listen this time.
CM: Of course Boss.
Do you require a little ego massaging before I go Boss? A little verbal rimming as
Boss: Just f**k off Marvado.
CM: Certainly Boss, always a pleasure to f**k off for you.
Any similarity to real people, either living or dead is purely a coincidence.