Hungry Dogs,dog fights,Porno Mags,Lavender and Drunk Butchers and nasty lesbians.
A strange day in Westville yesterday.
Im awakened at 5.45 am to the sound of my dog acting the bollox.I get up to see teh fucker has torn shit out of my boxer shorts and a pair of shoes.Bastard.I take him out for his stroll.Im walking along and all of a suddne out of nowhere this huge dog turns up growling and barking at my fell.He is cross between a husky and an alsation so i have my hands full (i know the guy that owns him).My fells ,an English bull tries to get his head out of the collar to get and isnt too bad just a little annoyed.Anyway i made a huge mostake of picking my guy up and the other dog tried to come up under him.Well my fella completely lost the plot and just wanted to kill the other dog.Thankfully the guy taht owns the otehr dog came along and i eventually managed to control my guy (try it sometime with one of these dogs).The whole fuckin place woke up and we legged before the law were called.
Anyway i put my guy in home and wait for the other guy to have a chat as we know each other.So we chat and talk dogs and bs and i see a guy walking along with a bag under his arm.I take no notice and end talking to the friend.We part ways and as i walked past a doorway i noticed he left the bag on the doorstep.I picked it up ,looked inside and found about half a dozen hardcore porn mags.Now i lost the plot because a short time later school children would be passing by.I went down to where he lives and fucked the bag over his garage roof.He comes out and it ell him to keep his bullshit to himself and he says he is calling the law.I say fine but tell them to let it an hour so i can have my breakfast.They never came.
Anyway i decided to go for a thai massage.This thai girl is outstanding for massage work and loosning up and no ,she doesnt do happy enedings but she is great for massage which im fine with.Prob is she used lavender oil and no showers so im going home stinking in lavender.If you know lavender its fuckin stinking and stays with you for good.I met a gilr i know and she says whats the smell of lavender?I was just paranoid about it because i smelt like a hen party.
At about 12, i went to the butcher up the road to get meat obviously.He has a small shop there too.Anyway he says to me quietly, will i buy him a vodka?I says a naggin and he says no a big bottle.He gives me the money and off i went figuring that he is just buying it for later or a gift or whatever.I come back give it to him, get my stuff and off i go.
About 2.00 i head up to him again to get milk and he is langers drunk in there and all the staff are gone.Bolloxed drunk.He grabs me by teh arm and says wioth a wink "i havnt drank in 16 years".He owed one girl 7.60 and gave her 17.60.Another gilr gave him 50 and got no change.He went to get crisps out for anoteh rperson and pulled half the bloddy store down.He had his shirt pulled open like Elvis and was marching around with a chopper in his hand.I took off and when i was going down the road i met a guy that knows him well and asked him if he had a drink prob?The guy says why?I said becuase i bought him a large vodka.He says "jaysus what are you after doing,he is a cronic alcholic".I said how the fuck should i know and with that your man screams up the road and legs it to the shop.He was closed today.
I goes home and has dinner and my next door neighbours, the two lesbians "the albino manatee, the beached baby whale, " threw water at my cats.I had enough for one day and turned the water hose on manatee and co.They said they were calling the law.Luckily the woman i know who owns the place was around and i told her the story.My cats shit on the roof and i told them i would walk up and clean it off.The manatee, says, "ah but we are girls ,you will look in at us".I looked in horror.She was serious.She is a natural contraception.Birds would fly off houses blocks away if she came along.Fuckin grass would die.Even the ozone layer would leg it.She is the 8th wonder of the modern world.If she went to a grave yard the dead would leave.I mean she is big time gross.She looks like a cross between an a pregnant Oranutang and a bloody Walrus.I would hate to see her in the nip.Talk about disgust,i would rather face a sandwich of someone elses crap.So im not sure whats up now.
Finally, i can relax?Nope.At 12.30 , i just after falling alseep and nearly shit myself because my phone goes off and a text comes in.A recent tempy gf texting to say how she misses me so much and her head is all over the place so i get up and phone her.4.30 in the morning i get to sleep only to be woken up again by the bloody dog ,a again going after my shoes.
What am i on about here?I have no fuckin idea.Just wanted to vent my arsehole.
I learned something yesterday ,did you?