c,mere - farmers confession

c,mere


i put a jacket on over my overalls to look smart.

i use baler twine as a dog lead.

i,d a lie in this morning until 7am

my front carpet is muddier than my drive.

i have animals living in buildings more expensive than my house.

i need a *license* before leaving the house.

my dog rides in my truck more than my wife..

my whole family falls instantly silent when the weather comes on the news.

i cant help picking up stones and throwing them to the edge of the field.

when i see a bit of string in a field i pick it up and put it in my pocket.

i take an instant dislike to anyone wearing a suit walking into my farmyard.

i talk to every cow i see even if its not my own.

my daughters dont bring new boyfriends home for fear of me asking them if they can drive a tractor.

i have a friendly rivalry with the farmer next door.

i get more letters from IFA than i do from friends and family.

i can't drive along a road anywhere in ireland without studying everyone else's crop's and livestock.

Drilling does not mean putting holes through interior walls.

my 4x4 actually goes off road.

i get frustrated by people calling straw "hay".

my most valued possesion is my pen knife.

my lamb follows the children into the kitchen and no one thinks its unusual.

i confidently walk around the supermarket in wellies.

i open a bale and discover an old mobile phone.

i drive my new telehandler repeatedly past your neighbour's yard until someone appears.

i feel naked without baler twine in my pocket.

i've run over my own cat in a tractor

When someone says they live on an estate i think of fields and woods rather than a barratts development

i tut at people in tesco buying danish bacon and french bread

i don't sit down to a single hot meal in august

i fall asleep with-in 3 minutes of sitting down in front of the t.v

my sun tan ends just above the elbow in the summer

i only take the kids to the seaside when it rains

Dress sense means cutting down on nitrogen applications

my ideal holiday is to visit other peoples farms

my hands look like they are made with the same material as my boots

my bag on my hoover is full of grain from july to september

The faint (but agreeable) smell of diesel never leaves me

my lawn includes hundreds of cattle hoof prints

i can remember fertiliser rate seeding rate herbicide rate and yields on a farm you leased 10 years ago but cannot recall my wifes birthday.