Died laughing !!

One of my good Gentlemen told me this today and I'm still pissing myself laughing......
A convict breaks into a house and ties up a husband and his very SeXy wife! He then jumps on the wife and kisses her ear but then runs into da bathroom.
Hubby says to his wife,"give him a good Fuck or he will kill us,I saw the way he kissed you, so be strong Darling!"

Wife says,"he didnt kiss me,he whispered in my ear I'm Gay,and very Horny so wheres the Fucking Vaseline.I told him its in the bathroom......now see whos fucking strong now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!":lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

A couple had been married for 50 years.They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.''I know,' the old man said..'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered.. 'Let's relive some old times.'...the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied the old boy 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your fucking porridge!":lmao: