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A man with a black eye boards a plane & notices the man beside him also has a shiner!
The first man says ''how did you get that?''.
Second man says ''instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for 2 pickets to Tittsburgh''!!
First man says ''I got mine like that too.... I wanted to say to my wife, 'pour me a bowl of frosties please' but I accidently said 'You've ruined my life you fat cunt''..........:D:D:D
Man goes to doctors and says his hearings bad. doc asks him what are the symptoms. man says ...... ..................................well homers the fat one and marge has blue hair....................................
there are these three women sitting at an inquest into the deaths of their husbands,Paddy Englishman,Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman.
They sat there sobbing as they were reminded of those dreadful Autumn mornings.
One morning the three lads who wewre scaffolders were having their teabreak and sat down to some delicious homemade sandwiches.Paddy Englishman takes a bite and spits it back out again and shouts "i hate chesse and my wife keeps putting it in my sandwiches." I had enough of this.Paddy Scotsman took a bite out of his sandwich and shouted "tuna ,feckit i hate tuna and my wife keeps putting it in my sandwiches.Paddy Irish man took a bite out of his sandwich and shouted "cucumber,i hate it and its always in my sandwiches".
Next morning a loud shout was heard at teabreak and Paddy Englishman was found lying dead on the ground 40 ft below.Just three days later the shout of "tunaaaaaaa" was heard and Paddy Scotsman fell to his death.The very next day Paddy Irishman screamed "enough cucumber" and was seen falling to his death below.
When the inquest was over, the three wifes ,stood outside the courthouse in reflective mood.Sobbing,Paddy Englishmans wife said "if only i had known,i could have prevented it all".Paddy Scotsmans wife deeply saddened said "i had no idea it would come to this,i thought he liked Tuna.Of only i had known".They both turned to Paddy Irishmans wife and asked "What about you?Could you have prevented this terrible tragedy?".Paddy Irishmans wife replied "I dont know.My fella made his own sandwiches."
Sincerely,
Westside.
What do you call a black guy with a split forehead? A chocholate Gateux.
What do you call an Indian with a split forehead? A jam doughnut.
What do you call a white guy with a split head? A jam cake.
Awful,
Westside.
Three doctors discussing their countries achievements: israeli doctor - we took a kidney from one man, put it in another and he was out looking for work in 6 months. English doctor- we took a lung from one man, put it in another and he was out looking for work in 5 months. Irish doctor- we took an arsehole out of ofally, put him in the dail and the whole country was out looking for work in 3 months!:p