So Much For Marriage

In a recent survey it has been discovered that after only one year of marriage 20% of those that
took part had regrets about getting married.
A majority of these particularly men said they had reached a stage in the relationship when marriage
was expected and even though they werent really in love with their partner felt they were trapped
and couldnt back out so went through with it
Well it deff explains high levels of marriage breakup
It also discovered that a large percentage said that their first year of marriage was much more difficult
than they had anticipated(both male and female)


And thats why im a batchelor and i dont intend to wed

Alot of ppl find that when they start living together its very different. Some ppl just cant live together well. they may love each other, care for each other but cant live well together.

Alot of men get married for the sake of it and not to be on their own. Its stupid.

Westside.

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Originally Posted by ber

In a recent survey it has been discovered that after only one year of marriage 20% of those that
took part had regrets about getting married.
A majority of these particularly men said they had reached a stage in the relationship when marriage
was expected and even though they werent really in love with their partner felt they were trapped
and couldnt back out so went through with it
Well it deff explains high levels of marriage breakup
It also discovered that a large percentage said that their first year of marriage was much more difficult
than they had anticipated(both male and female)


And thats why im a batchelor and i dont intend to wed

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What does "had regrets" mean? I would think getting married is like any other major decision, with both advantages and disadvantages. Anyone who claims not to have any regrets is either not thinking clearly or just lying. If 20% wish they hadn't got married, on the other hand, then there is clearly a problem. It would be useful to know how the question was worded.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ber

In a recent survey it has been discovered that after only one year of marriage 20% of those that
took part had regrets about getting married.
A majority of these particularly men said they had reached a stage in the relationship when marriage
was expected and even though they werent really in love with their partner felt they were trapped
and couldnt back out so went through with it
Well it deff explains high levels of marriage breakup
It also discovered that a large percentage said that their first year of marriage was much more difficult
than they had anticipated(both male and female)


And thats why im a batchelor and i dont intend to wed

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A lot of ppl these days marry for the big day...just for the sake of being married...marraige in my opinon has become irrelavant over the past few years.....it is treated as a joke these days.....

I just cannot see the point of marriage. There seems to be NO plus points. Nothing good.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Westsidex

Alot of ppl find that when they start living together its very different. Some ppl just cant live together well. they may love each other, care for each other but cant live well together.

Alot of men get married for the sake of it and not to be on their own. Its stupid.

Westside.

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I agree with most you have said but in my opinion it would be women that would rather be not be on their own and the guys go along with it to make their partners happy.....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by El Gordo

What does "had regrets" mean? I would think getting married is like any other major decision, with both advantages and disadvantages. Anyone who claims not to have any regrets is either not thinking clearly or just lying. If 20% wish they hadn't got married, on the other hand, then there is clearly a problem. It would be useful to know how the question was worded.

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Yes the impression i got from it is that the 20% wouldnt marry if they had the decision over again, but it didnt
mean that they were all about to leave the marriage even though some were. The regrets expressed were serious
misgiving not for example arguments over who got the remote



Marriage is an institution ,but not everyone wants to live in an institution

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ber

Yes the impression i got from it is that the 20% wouldnt marry if they had the decision over again, but it didnt
mean that they were all about to leave the marriage even though some were. The regrets expressed were serious
misgiving not for example arguments over who got the remote



Marriage is an institution ,but not everyone wants to live in an institution

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In the end its the little things that ruin most marraiges that snowball into bigger things the longer a marraige lasts....

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Originally Posted by aml

I agree with most you have said but in my opinion it would be women that would rather be not be on their own and the guys go along with it to make their partners happy.....

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Uve hit the nail on the head, this is what the survey found
Prob alot of reasons for this, bioliogical clock therefore
wanting to start a family and many women would feel
that to start a family within marriage offers more security

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ber

Yes the impression i got from it is that the 20% wouldnt marry if they had the decision over again, but it didnt
mean that they were all about to leave the marriage even though some were. The regrets expressed were serious
misgiving not for example arguments over who got the remote



Marriage is an institution ,but not everyone wants to live in an institution

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What percentage thought getting married was a good idea, but that they had just got married to the wrong person?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by aml

In the end its the little things that ruin most marraiges that snowball into bigger things the longer a marraige lasts....

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Get a second TV

save a marriage

Quote:

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Originally Posted by El Gordo

What percentage thought getting married was a good idea, but that they had just got married to the wrong person?

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Probably the majority of people think the concept of marriage is a good one if u marry the right person
But therin lies the snag
The odds are prob stacked against u finding him/her


I dont particularly like the odds so thats mainly why i retain the status i do

Kierkegaard wrote:

"Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way."
from Either/Or 1843

It is probably true.

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Originally Posted by BootSlick55

Kierkegaard wrote:

"Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way."
from Either/Or 1843

It is probably true.

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The only part i would really disagree with is Hang ureself and u will regret it cause ure dead then and u can regret no more


Death is final

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ber

A majority of these particularly men said they had reached a stage in the relationship when marriage
was expected and even though they werent really in love with their partner felt they were trapped
and couldnt back out so went through with it

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by aml

I agree with most you have said but in my opinion it would be women that would rather be not be on their own and the guys go along with it to make their partners happy.....

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I've been in this situation. I didn't go along with it. I respected her much more than that. I'd rather see her happy with one of the other 80% that perhaps wouldn't have had the regrets that perhaps I would have had...........

It wasn't so much the not loving her part, I did, for me it was issues with myself, my own self confidence, my uncertainty about if I was good enough for her, if I'd be a good husband, etc. etc. etc. etc.............

I let the best one ever go because I thought she's be better off without me.........:(

She probably is..........:(

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Originally Posted by luther

I let the best one ever go because I thought she's be better off without me.........:(

She probably is..........:(

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Been there too and i totally agree with you

You could always live together with a partner before deciding to get married or not.
Long enough to see if your relationship is better for it or not - or at least worth the troubles or boredom that's going to bring.

The way some of you are talking here is like you just take the woman on a few dates and then you go straight ahead and marry her. What are the chances for that to work I wonder :confused: :p :confused:

But when you live with someone for more then 6 months, sometimes much longer, you get to know the real person.
Not the one that you think she / he is, the actual person. If you don't like what you see, just leave or demand the other person to leave, whatever the case might be. There is no alimony to pay, no goods to split, no mortgage etc ...

If it's all good, nothing is stopping you to plan your marriage, which has now much better chances to work. I am not saying it will work 100% because nothing is guaranteed in this world (other then dying :o) but you will have actual real chances to never regret your doing.

Even if you decide not to get married, it doesn't matter much in this ideal compatible situation. Unless maybe a child comes along and you want to give the kid a proper family and a sense of security.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ber

In a recent survey it has been discovered that after only one year of marriage 20% of those that
took part had regrets about getting married.
A majority of these particularly men said they had reached a stage in the relationship when marriage
was expected and even though they werent really in love with their partner felt they were trapped
and couldnt back out so went through with it
Well it deff explains high levels of marriage breakup
It also discovered that a large percentage said that their first year of marriage was much more difficult
than they had anticipated(both male and female)


And thats why im a batchelor and i dont intend to wed

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thats unfortunately true pretty much like i always say love is blind and marriage is an eye opener for a lot of folk ....;)

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Originally Posted by BootSlick55

Kierkegaard wrote:

"Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way."
from Either/Or 1843

It is probably true.

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He did but then he waqs a gloomy bastard, theGloomy Dane wasnt it. I also believe Kirkegaurd also had marriage issues of his own

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sensual Delights

You could always live together with a partner before deciding to get married or not.
Long enough to see if your relationship is better for it or not - or at least worth the troubles or boredom that's going to bring.

The way some of you are talking here is like you just take the woman on a few dates and then you go straight ahead and marry her. What are the chances for that to work I wonder :confused: :p :confused:

But when you live with someone for more then 6 months, sometimes much longer, you get to know the real person.
Not the one that you think she / he is, the actual person. If you don't like what you see, just leave or demand the other person to leave, whatever the case might be. There is no alimony to pay, no goods to split, no mortgage etc ...

If it's all good, nothing is stopping you to plan your marriage, which has now much better chances to work. I am not saying it will work 100% because nothing is guaranteed in this world (other then dying :o) but you will have actual real chances to never regret your doing.

Even if you decide not to get married, it doesn't matter much in this ideal compatible situation. Unless maybe a child comes along and you want to give the kid a proper family and a sense of security.

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I think the problem her is the actual finality of marriage, many of the people in the survey im sure were already
cohabitating but once u put on that ring it changes the whole thing. In reality escape from the relationship was
but the packing of a bag away before marriage afterwards not so easy. Ure after totally committing to the relationship
now. I think u also have the scenario where partners expect different things from each other once they marry,it ups
the ante so to speak and they may feel now that they are entitled to more input into even the other partners
personal decisions. Personally i know of several relationships where people seemed to living happily together until
the ring went on and then the cracks started to appear. I reckon maybe people dont work as hard as they should
at the relationship either because they kinda relax and say sur i have him/her now. As they say familiarity breeds
contempt

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BootSlick55

Kierkegaard wrote:

"Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way."
from Either/Or 1843

It is probably true.

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Thank you for that. I am laminating it as we speak. Ace.

you see ladies and gentlemen when a marriage breaks up and a lot of them usually do it causes so much hassel and pain especially the house it has to get split down the middle ....the man gets the outside of the house and the woman gets the inside.....another good reason to stay single :D:D :)

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Originally Posted by Dirty Harry

you see ladies and gentlemen when a marriage breaks up and a lot of them usually do it causes so much hassel and pain especially the house it has to get split down the middle ....the man gets the outside of the house and the woman gets the inside.....another good reason to stay single :D:D :)

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Oh no! I am a huge fan of marriage. Without it I am not sure I would have much clientele...:p

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Originally Posted by ber

As they say familiarity breeds contempt

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That's true as well but I am actually surprised about that living together for a long time doesn't seem to help in your case.

I was living together with a few guys back home (not with all in the same time, lol).
For the very best of them, the average time I needed to really get to know them and make up my mind I never want to marry them was about 2 years. With the others, I would realise much faster they are not really for me.

Maybe is just my mind working differently here.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ber

Personally i know of several relationships where people seemed to living happily together until
the ring went on and then the cracks started to appear.

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I know what you mean. Usually at least one of the pair is expecting things to change in some way after the wedding. Otherwise why would they have bothered to get married? The problem is that often they have different assumptions about how things will change, which they may not have discussed in advance.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ber

I think the problem her is the actual finality of marriage, many of the people in the survey im sure were already
cohabitating but once u put on that ring it changes the whole thing. In reality escape from the relationship was
but the packing of a bag away before marriage afterwards not so easy. Ure after totally committing to the relationship
now. I think u also have the scenario where partners expect different things from each other once they marry,it ups
the ante so to speak and they may feel now that they are entitled to more input into even the other partners
personal decisions. Personally i know of several relationships where people seemed to living happily together until
the ring went on and then the cracks started to appear. I reckon maybe people dont work as hard as they should
at the relationship either because they kinda relax and say sur i have him/her now. As they say familiarity breeds
contempt

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I'd say you're right on the money there Ber.

Back at Christmas time I was home, and got to meet up with a few mates from secondary (been 10 years gone since we've finished), and I was sitting with 3 friends (1 guy, 2 girls), and they were all married, save for me. The gug had been married for 2 years beofre things got to the point where she moved out, and the divorce was nearly finalized, after a year of separation. One of the girls, who'd tracked me down on Facebook after not seeing or hearing from her in years, said that her husband was moving out in a weeks' time. The other girl was the only one that was happily married, ann she'd been with the guy for 2 years before they were married, so it's going on over 4 years together for them.

The 2 whose marriages were breaking up, especially the girl, said that something in the relationship really changed, and obviously for the worse, since they got married. they'd lived together for a good while before getting married, adn all was well for them. There was just something about actually getting married that changed things for them, and they really couldn't place it exactly. But I'd say they were agree with the things you've said here.


My brother is getting married in November, and I'd be trying to talk him out of it (if he wasn't such a %$@)! Oh well, maybe he'll just have to learn the hard way...

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Originally Posted by Cable87

I'd say you're right on the money there Ber.

One of the girls, who'd tracked me down on Facebook after not seeing or hearing from her in years, said that her husband was moving out in a weeks time.

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Announcement: OFF TOPIC

Cable. Be afraid...she is after you.

fcuk marriage...I'm solo, I'm riding solo.....Yeeeeeyeeeah, yeah, yeahhhhhhh

♫ I'm feeling how I should, never knew single could feel this good, oh, ♫
♫ Stop playing miss understood, back in the game, who knew I would, oh, ♫
♫ So flex how I spread my wings, loving myself makes me wanna sing, oh, ♫
♫ Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, .... :p :D ♫

Marriage? Been there, done that, still paying the debts off!

Such is life :p

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Originally Posted by samlad

Marriage? Been there, done that, still paying the debts off!

Such is life :p

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Well now being a moderator ud think ud have the skills to make it work



Alimony Alimony = All my money

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Originally Posted by lucy chambers

Announcement: OFF TOPIC

Cable. Be afraid...she is after you.

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Thanks for the heads-up Lucy, :) and I would've loved the opportunity to be with her, but I'm afraid I missed it! ;) She's got a new fella already! Oh, well! I'm sure the 'rebound sex' after the end of a marriage must be fantastic! :D

Just wondering if any of you considered fake marriage?? - getting paid for marriage. I knew once chinese girls she was interested to pay. Is it worth t. I didnt go along with it coz I was affraid to get caught.

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Originally Posted by johnnydoe

Just wondering if any of you considered fake marriage?? - getting paid for marriage. I knew once chinese girls she was interested to pay. Is it worth t. I didnt go along with it coz I was affraid to get caught.

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You have only one life and time wont reverse itself for anybody. Why waste your time marrying for money? The prob with marraige of this sort is the boat might pass you out.

This is especially true from the womans end as can be seen by some thai girls. The boat passes them out and when they look for real love and marriage they find it hard to get. They spend so much of their youth arsing about with marriages for money that they are over the hill when the time comes for them to have a real marriage.

not worth it,
Westside.