For all the single guys here - Prenuptial Agreement

Lads, give this to you girlfriend before you agree to marry her.

If she signs it, you are on to a winner, if she doesn't...............next :D


I, ...................................., agree that:
(enter Girlfriend's name above)


1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly
rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old
man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take
the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team
lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible
to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.

3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them
that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm
goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you
fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues.
Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt
to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men".

9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and
remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will
only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in
charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.




Signed ____________________________________

Date ______________________________________

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Forrest

Lads, give this to you girlfriend before you agree to marry her.

If she signs it, you are on to a winner, if she doesn't...............next :D


I, ...................................., agree that:
(enter Girlfriend's name above)


1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly
rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old
man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take
the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team
lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible
to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.

3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them
that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm
goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you
fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues.
Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt
to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men".

9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and
remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will
only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in
charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.




Signed ____________________________________

Date ______________________________________

---

I wasn't aware that doormats could write........

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EnglishAlex

I wasn't aware that doormats could write........

---

Sorry, Alex, just a bit of Friday blues.........................no offence meant(really, truly, cross my heart and hope to get fuc*ed senseless)
to all the wonderful women of the world. :hug: :kiss:

Seriously forrest, I did find that quite amusing I must say. I shall put my claws away and play nice. Well I'll try to anyway lol.

I was going to add to No9: Dishwasher. Then I remembered that the reason we lesser mortals (women) have smaller feet is to get nearer to the sink! Silly me :p

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Forrest

Sorry, Alex, just a bit of Friday blues.........................no offence meant(really, truly, cross my hear and hope to get fuc*ed senseless)to all the wonderful women of the world. :hug: :kiss:

---

I wasn't offended in the slightest. Just taking the piss back :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EnglishAlex

Seriously forrest, I did find that quite amusing I must say. I shall put my claws away and play nice. Well I'll try to anyway lol.

I was going to add to No9: Dishwasher. Then I remembered that the reason we lesser mortals (women) have smaller feet is to get nearer to the sink! Silly me :p

---

I like claws ;) and as for the washing machine, I can think of a better use for it when it's on, and there's a full load.:D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EnglishAlex

I wasn't offended in the slightest. Just taking the piss back :)

---

I knew that, but it was a great reply, no prenups for you then :p

For The Man o' The House:

What's mine is mine and that means a wife don't touch, don't snoop through,
and by all means don't tell the locals what all we gots and ain't gots.

Property: All buildings, shacks, trailers, sheds, motorized transportation, land,
huntin' tools, corn stills, and animals are to stay in the possession of the
Man o' The House iffin' the woman goes a wandering off playing in another's pasture.

Child Support: Iffin' they don't look like me, I ain't supporting 'em in the event
the wife partakes in wandering off the marital property.

Money: The Man o' The House earns it so he gets to keep it. 'Nough said!

Mother In Law Rules: Must abide by the 500 mile restraining order that will
be taken out upon the day of the marriage. Postal mail will be permitted
if weekly financial assistance is abided by.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For The Little Woman:

Iffin' you came into this marriage with clothes on your back and kids from yer previous marriage you get to keep 'em.

Housework: You agree to keep a lookin' good, cook, clean, tend to the land, garden, livestock, keep repairs up on the homestead, and be aimin' to please yer man at the drop of a dime.

Man o' The House Signature:___________________________ Date: _____________

Little Woman's Signature: _____________________________ Date: _____________

Lawyer Signature: ____________________________________ Date: _____________

http://www.jokelibrary.net/people/f_...prenuptial.gif

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj4vLZJhNEk

I think we all know what the truth is ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by comicbookguy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj4vLZJhNEk

I think we all know what the truth is ;)

---

Good one, Comicbookguy :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Forrest

Lads, give this to you girlfriend before you agree to marry her.

If she signs it, you are on to a winner, if she doesn't...............next :D


I, ...................................., agree that:
(enter Girlfriend's name above)


1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly
rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old
man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take
the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team
lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible
to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.

3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them
that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm
goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you
fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues.
Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt
to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men".

9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and
remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will
only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in
charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.




Signed ____________________________________

Date ______________________________________

---

That's amazing Forrest! I have exactly the same contract which I carry around in my pocket on dates. It explains why I'm still single!!!!!!:p

where the feck did you find that , i gave you lunapics you owe me....:)
ps .do you like my new avatar???..what the fuck is yours?????

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Morpheus

That's amazing Forrest! I have exactly the same contract which I carry around in my pocket on dates. It explains why I'm still single!!!!!!:p

---

I wish I'd had that contract 25 years ago, Morpheus. Maybe I would still be single too now, and guilt free. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ric Hardgear

where the feck did you find that , i gave you lunapics you owe me....:)
ps .do you like my new avatar???..what the fuck is yours?????

---

Pm on the way, Ric. My source material is secret and not for the masses :p

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ric Hardgear

where the feck did you find that , i gave you lunapics you owe me....:)
ps .do you like my new avatar???..what the fuck is yours?????

---

I love your Avatar Ric. That pic of the panty-less tennis player scratching her bum - has been embedded in my erotic dreams since being a teen!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Morpheus

I love your Avatar Ric. That pic of the panty-less tennis player scratching her bum - has been embedded in my erotic dreams since being a teen!

---

Me too, Morpheus. It was an iconic photo at the time, that has been copied quite a lot, and mostly to good effect.


https://www.escort-ireland.com/board...6&d=1308920476

Copyright for the above image belongs to RicHardgear and must not be used without his authority and recompense

Jeepers Forrest! You know how to push all the right buttons!!!:D First that Sachsenring Paddock girls video, and now this!!!!

Iconic pics that we'll never tire off! Cheers!:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Morpheus

Jeepers Forrest! You know how to push all the right buttons!!!:D First that Sachsenring Paddock girls video, and now this!!!!

Iconic pics that we'll never tire off! Cheers!:)

---

As you can see from the small print, I can't take any credit for this one Morpheus, much as I would like to. ;) :D