Orgasms are a big part of sex for many of us. They shouldn’t be, but we focus on them too much. We feel amazing when they happen, so getting ourselves and our partner there is a pretty big deal.
The problem is that things don’t always go according to plan. Forget about premature ejaculation or even just coming too soon. What about those times when, no matter what you do, you just can’t come?
It happens, and there are a number of potential orgasm barriers you should be aware of. Keep reading to find out what they are.
The frustration of losing an orgasm
There is nothing quite as frustrating as losing an orgasm. I’ve had it happen plenty of times, both when I’ve been with someone in the bedroom and when I’ve been on my own. It can feel like it is just there, tantalisingly close, and then all of a sudden there is nothing.
No matter what you do, you can’t get it back. In the end you have to give up. You’re left naked and frustrated, often taking it out on your partner when it isn’t their fault. It isn’t even necessarily yours. Sometimes these things just happen. But why do they happen? It turns out that there are plenty of orgasm barriers that you might not even be aware of.
Stress and depression
Often when we are struggling to orgasm, it is because of psychological factors. Stress and depression are the big ones. You might feel as though you are fine, but stress and depression can creep in and build up slowly over time, making it difficult to do anything. If you have ever struggled with depression or stress, you’ll know what it feels like. You can’t bring yourself to do basic things like eat or shower. If you do try to cook a meal for yourself, you’ll freak out when little things go wrong.
Needless to say, having an orgasm when your brain is stuck in that cycle isn’t going to happen. You could try to force it, but often you’ll make yourself feel worse. You don’t feel good afterwards, and sometimes not even during, so you’ll just give up and not bother trying to get there.
Fatigue
Sex and masturbation both require energy. Sure, you might not feel like you spend a lot of energy jerking yourself off, but you do. How many times afterwards will you sit or lie there feeling tired and ready to go to sleep for a little while?
Orgasms require energy, so if you are struggling with a lack of sleep, general tiredness, or even fatigue, you’ll find that it isn’t always possible to get there. Yes, orgasms can certainly help you to drift off, but if you don’t have the energy to get there then they are going to be no use to you.
Illness
When you’re ill, it is important to look after yourself. The problem is that we tend to put that desire to one-side in favour of other things. We want to pretend that we are fine, that nothing is wrong, and that we are superheroes capable of getting through anything.
It doesn’t work that way though, does it? When I’m ill, orgasms come few and far between. I don’t want them, or I can’t get them, no matter how hard I try. This is particularly true when I have a cold. So if you are ill and you can’t come, that might be why.
Medication matters
When you take medication, you’ll likely pull it from the box and give a cursory glance at the paper that comes with it. The chances are that you won’t even read it. You’ll just look and go “I won’t need that” before shoving it back into the box.
However, they also list potential side effects. If your troubles to reach orgasm have come since a new medication has kicked in, check the side effects. You should also talk to your doctor to discuss the possibility that your medication has become one of the orgasm barriers you have to contend with.
The potential orgasm barriers
Having an orgasm is not, contrary to popular belief, rocket science. If you communicate effectively with your partner, you’ll get there. The problem is that most of us don’t. We keep things to ourselves instead of talking to those who matter.
If you feel that none of the factors above are potential orgasm barriers for you but you still struggle, talk to someone. It could be your partner or it could be your doctor. The important thing is to open up and share these things, even if it is hard. Hopefully, you’ll figure out what your orgasm barrier is so that you can fix it.
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
- Adding the correct “favourites” to your profile - April 24, 2023
- Common Mistakes Made During Sex And How To Fix Them - April 25, 2019
- Your Hay Fever Could Be Eased By More Sex! - April 2, 2019
Please log in here to leave a comment.