At some point in all our lives, we have relationship problems with a partner. This can be for many reasons, stress with work, stress with kids, or maybe just a case of things getting stale. However, there are good ways to deal with it, and then there are ways that can drop a proverbial nuclear bomb on the situation.
But what are they? Well, Clinical Psychologist Andrea Solomon PhD says there are three things you should never say, under any circumstances. Here they are. Do you recognise any of them?
1) “If You Loved Me, You Would”
This is something some people say impulsively, as they think it will get them their own way. However, it just comes across as childish, and that can never end well.
Instead, Dr Solomon says you might say: “I am having such a hard time understanding what is keeping you from doing this. The story I am telling myself is that you must not love me very much.”
Well, it still strikes me a bit as emotional blackmail, but she is the expert!
2) “Why Isn’t it Like it Used to be Between Us?”
This never comes across well. The whole tone of the conversation seems to show that you are blaming them for things not being the same. Also, though a honeymoon period in a relationship may end, that doesn’t mean what it moves onto has to be so negative.
Dr Solomon has this to say on the matter: “Work out what is that you miss about the old days, and see if you can bring back the elements you want – eg: ‘I want us to go out on dates like we used to do,” or, “I would love for you to give me a massage like you used to’.”
That does seem a lot more positive, I will give her that one.
3) “You’re Acting Like Your Mother!”
This is a really bad one. What you are doing is saying it is a bad thing that they are acting like somebody they love. When you look it it like that, it isn’t good is it?
Dr Solomon suggests this alternative: “Explain what in particular they are doing to annoy you, and why it is doing so (and for goodness’ sake, don’t mention their mother).”
See, keep the Mother out of it, never say it, ever!
So there you go. There is a lot of other stuff you need to do to make a relationship work. However, if you stick clear of saying these three things during an argument, you are likely to not put your foot in it even more!
Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.
When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
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