What Is It Really Like To Be A Sexpert?

I love my job. I’m fortunate enough to have the most amazing colleagues, and I get to write about the things I love the most each and every day. Sex has always been important to me, and so being a sexpert is the best job that I could have ever gotten.

Young sexy woman in black lingerie lying on the bed and using laptop

Work is usually a very boring topic of conversation for a lot of people. In my case, that isn’t the case. It becomes a fascination and has had a huge impact on my life. So here’s what it is really like to be a sexpert.

People can’t believe it

When people ask me about my job I tend to make a snap judgement about them. Based on my judgement, I’ll do one of two things. The first option is to lie. I’ll tell them that I’m an office administrator, and the conversation will quickly move on to more exciting things.

The second option is to tell the truth. I tell them that I’m a content writer, which is enough for some. Others want more, so I tell them that I write about sex for a living. Often there’s a small laugh because people think I might just be joking. Sometimes they’ll laugh again because they genuinely can’t believe it.

That’s because people think that sex is something that should happen behind closed doors and not be discussed at all. Talking about it is dirty, so the idea that I actually do it for a living throws people. They turn into Victor Meldrew and look at me with their mouths hanging open in disbelief.

Remember Victor Meldrew saying
Original source: Make A Gif

Not everyone understands what it means

My job involves a lot of different things, which means that understanding what I do each day is difficult for those on the outside. A lot of people have no idea what I do, even when I explain. They assume that I write terrible advice blogs like you used to see on Cosmopolitan all of the time.

Personally, I like to think that my advice is better than that.

Many have no idea what it means. Some automatically assume that I’m writing porn. Others think I’m reviewing lingerie. One person in particular believed that it meant I was selling sex and holding classes to help others. Needless to say, my job requires more of an explanation than most people would think it does.

Say you're a sexpert and people get very confused
Original source: Imgur

You get asked for advice constantly

I’m one of those people who is terrible at taking my own advice. I’m great at giving it, but when it comes to the things that I should do, I struggle. But friends will turn to me for some advice if they think that they need it.

However, since I began working here on Escort Ireland, the amount of advice I have given has easily tripled, and it usually involves the sex lives of others. My advice tends to be the same, telling them that communication is the key to amazing sex, but this answer seems to disappoint them.

People seem to believe that I have some magical trick when it comes to sex. They think that I will know the right spot on everyone’s body to make them writhe in ecstasy. They believe that sex is like flipping a switch for me, and that I know the secret. Unfortunately, I don’t… but that doesn’t stop people from asking.

Believe it or not, being a sexpert doesn't mean that I know everything
Original source: Tenor

Lovers assume you’re a mind reader

I thought I knew sex before I started this job. Working here has well and truly opened my eyes. I have learned so much about sex, and how you can make it amazing for everyone involved. It’s been one hell of an education and has really helped me to up my game in the bedroom.

The problem is that my job means that lovers tend to assume that I’m a sex goddess. Honestly, I’d love to think that I am. But I’m not, and that’s because I can’t read their minds.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: communication is the most important skill in the bedroom. But when people you fuck find out you’re a sexpert, they assume that talking about sex isn’t necessary. They think I’ll know how to make them moan louder than ever before without talking to them or experimenting with them. High expectations to live up to!

I'd love to be able to read minds but I can't. Not even being a sexpert can change that!
Original source: Tumblr

Your interests change massively

I write. I write a lot. This means that, if you can think of it, the chances are I’ve written about it or at least read about it. Many times I’ll also have experienced it for myself. My horizons have well and truly broadened as a result of my work, but it does also mean something else.

My interests have changed. Back when I first started, I thought that I was so open minded because I used to shop in Ann Summers. Oh how I laugh at myself now. My interests were very vanilla. In fact, I thought watersports meant jet-skiing and only jet-skiing. That goes to show how much things have changed!

The ways that my interests have changed means that I’ve gotten bored of traditional porn. Watching porn doesn’t have the same impact on me now. I prefer to read erotic literature, like this short story by Zoe Jaspers. I’m now constantly looking for something fresh and new to enjoy instead of the traditional things, whether that’s porn, kinky sex acts, or the latest sex toys.

My interests have evolved over time
Original source: Giphy

You’ll see the same mistakes over and over

I love writing advice, offering my favourite sex tips out for you all to enjoy. Being a sexpert means that I know a lot about sex, and what I know about sex could help you have the most amazing sex of your life. I also love sharing some of the hottest toys with you, as well as funny articles with interesting news.

The problem is that, in the world of sex, there are certain things you’ll read about a lot. Often these are silly mistakes people make during sex. I can’t even begin to tell you about the number of times I’ve written about someone putting something somewhere they shouldn’t.

It’s taught me that no-one should make a decision when horny. You are best working off that energy first because you do anything. If you don’t, you could end up with something lost where the sun doesn’t shine. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to end up on Sex Sent Me To The ER any time soon! If it seems like a bad idea, don’t do it.

There are some days when I start things off with a good old face palm
Original source: Gfy Cat

You explain the Nordic model a lot

Back when I first started working for Escort Ireland, I was a forum moderator. When I began I had my own strong assumptions about the world of escorting. Needless to say, I learnt a lot and saw that all of my assumptions were completely wrong. My mind was opened to the reality that is escorting.

My views might have changed, but the views of those around me tend to reflect the old views I used to have. At the end of last year I spoke to a friend about my job and she asked why they don’t just make the purchase of sex a criminal offence. I explained that they have done so in some countries, which seemed to shock her. What shocked her more was my explanation that the criminalisation of sex work has never been effective.

Frustratingly, it’s a conversation I have a lot. People know so little about sex work that they believe the media portrayal. Because I’m open with some friends about my job, I’ve been able to give them another point of view. I’ve pointed out that we should be listening to sex workers when it comes to the laws around it. It means that I spend a lot of time talking about the Nordic model, but at least I’m opening people’s minds to the fact that sex workers don’t want it.

Want to know the best way to help sex workers? It begins with listening to them
Original source: Vixen Collective

People will judge you and act differently

When it comes to the subject of sex and particularly sex work, people get very judgemental. To most people, sex is something that shouldn’t be talked about. It takes place behind closed doors and should never be discussed out in the open. It isn’t appropriate and people really do not like it at all.

It’s even worse when the topic of sex work comes up. The general belief is that no-one would want to do the job, and so people feel the need to play the white knight. They want to rescue sex workers, instead of giving them the rights that they deserve.

I mentioned earlier that I tend to make snap judgements about whether to share my job with others. This doesn’t always work out for me. There have been plenty of times where I’ve said I’m a sexpert and found myself being judged. They suddenly see me as the Wicked Witch of Sex. Some people even think that it means they can ask me totally inappropriate things or touch me without consent. Not okay.

When it comes to sex, people can be very judgemental
Original source: Tenor

Got questions about being a sexpert?

I know how lucky I am to have the job and colleagues that I do. I have learned so much about myself and the world that I live in as a result. The problem is that the judgemental attitude towards sex often means that I am reluctant to share the fact that I am a sexpert with others.

You might have your own questions about what it is really like being a sexpert. If so, feel free to ask them in the comments below! I’d love to answer your questions on the subject.

Lara Mills
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