Noise during sex can be a bit of a turn off. If our partner makes too much, it can ruin the mood. The loud screams and moans of pleasure you hear in porn usually result in comments like “too loud” or “massive turn off”. But the same applies when we go the other way. Too little noise and people feel you aren’t enjoying sex.
Finding the right balance is hard, but people often err on the side of caution and stay quiet. The sound of silence isn’t comforting, so I have to ask… is noise important during sex?
Keeping it quiet
My last serious relationship was a while ago now. Most of my relationships since have been casual, because I find it easier with my busy schedule to not dedicate myself to one person. But the person I was dating loved to keep sex vanilla. I’m talking missionary being their favourite position and doggy style being what they wanted when they felt adventurous.
During sex they were completely silent. No, I don’t mean quiet. I mean that you’d be able to hear a clock ticking in another room. They wouldn’t make a peep until the very end. Then it would be one long moan, still quiet, and that would be it. It didn’t matter where it was a blow job or full penetrative sex. They’d be totally quiet.
It made me question everything. Was I actually any good at sex? Were they actually enjoying it? Should I just give up? I once asked them about it and they told me that they just didn’t make noise and that was it. End of discussion. It was off-putting and I found that I’d make more noise to try and compensate for the sound of silence filling the bedroom.
Making some noise!
On the other hand, being too loud can also be a huge turn off. I have experience of this too, both as the person making the noise and the person with a loud partner. For me, it was simply a case of getting carried away and loud, resulting in a complaint from the neighbours. Oops.
My loud partner from a long time ago loved to make noise. They were very enthusiastic about everything during sex. Dirty talk was a favourite for them and there was never a quiet moment during sex. It began to get exhausted to hear it, because the noise they were making were just too loud.
I’d get headaches from the shouts into my ear, and the dirty talk was way too vulgar to be shared. It was a turn off for me because I began to wonder if it really felt that good for them. Was sex that amazing from the very beginning that they had to continually shout and scream every single time?
What noises should we make?
Wondering just how much noise is acceptable? Don’t worry, as Saucy Dates conducted a survey to find out what noises and sounds people like and don’t like to hear in the heat of the moment. They surveyed over 5,000 of their members to find out what people actually like hearing. You can see the results in the graphic below.
As we can clearly see, people would rather you squeaked during sex than stayed silent. However, screaming is also relatively low down on the list. It seems that we need to find a balance. Don’t stay silent, but don’t scream the house down either!
Is noise really important?
For me, I’d rather someone was a little too loud than totally silent during sex. If someone makes too much noise you can talk about it. They can bury their face in your body to muffle the sound, which is a hell of a turn on. They cannot stop themselves from moaning about the pleasure they are feeling. Telling someone who enjoys the silence to speak up is another matter entirely. It makes the entire thing feel fake.
What do you think? Would you rather someone made a little too much noise during sex or that they stayed silent? Vote in the poll below!
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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