The Nine Most Unfuckable Celebrities!

When it comes to feeling sexually attracted to somebody, there are no rules. Nobody can tell you what to like and what to dislike and this is definitely not the purpose of this unfuckable celebrities list.

man looking shocked at a laptop

However, we have, to be honest and admit that sometimes there are both unattractive as well as attractive aspects in people that we just miss.

Next time, we’re going to be positive and talk about the fuckable traits of our favourite celebrities. Until then, let’s have some fun with the unfuckable celebs.

The following is my personal list and I would strongly appreciate your thoughts, no matter if you want to approve or disapprove. All opinions are welcomed. Here we go:

I Am Not a “Belieber”, Are You?

Fortunately for me, no desperate teenage girl is reading this, so I won’t find my car destroyed because I dishonored the half male Canadian singer. But the fact that he looks like a more feminine Miley Cyrus is a good reason for not sleeping with Justin.

Personally, I see Bieber as an asexual human being. Who’s with me?

I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie

I’ve always loved big posteriors because I never got one. I was the girl with big boobs but a very unattractive flat…back. Well, I didn’t care about that but the problem was when I had to sit on something hard since by bones hurt.

Anyway, I like a lovely round ass, but I find the Kardashians disgusting. What else is there besides asses? Is that the only reasons why they are rich and famous?

Help me here, because it’s been a few years and I am still struggling with finding out why they are on TV. The only explanation for not being able to get it is that I am not as clever as I thought!

I Don’t Do…Dumb!

It’s not because I think he is bad looking, or because I grew up with his silly movies, but man I imagine that having sex with Jim Carey is exactly like having dinner with Taz.
If you don’t know who Taz is, you are probably really young and that will make me feel bad about myself. So, please don’t tell me. Anyway, Taz or the Tasmanian Devil is an animated cartoon character, with a huge appetite and no limits. He growls and makes weird faces. Yes, just like Jim!

Not Witherspoon and Not Without…

Please don’t start judging me for putting Reese Witherspoon on the most unfuckable celebrities list. Nobody is saying that she is not attractive. The only problem I have is that I don’t think she enjoys sex.

She is beautiful and hot but her face tells me that she would be there, thinking about her chores and waiting for me to finish. Well, this is not how I imagine me having sex with a girl.

I Am Sorry, But I’d Rather Be Alone!

I can’t get straight to the subject now because I am going to name one of my favourite artists/celebrities. Putting him on my most unfuckable celebrities’ list is quite difficult, but I have, to be honest. If it weren’t for the molestation cases that made him a despicable person, Michael Jackson would have been sexless for me.

I don’t know if it was because of his “corpse looks”, but the way M.J made me feel was not related to attraction.

No Sex. Just the City

I was a huge fan of Sex and the City, but I could never see Carrie having sex. I strongly believe that if Samantha wasn’t a character the movie was called just “The City”.

And no, it wasn’t the character, since I watched other movies with Sarah Jessica Parker. Just like I feel Reese Witherspoon doesn’t enjoy sex, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like she never had an intercourse. And no, I am not attracted to a 50 years old virgin. Are you?

Bad Hair is Something I Can Get Over

No, it’s not his life full of bad hair days, or the fact that Marco Rubio made a joke about his small hands and implied that he has a small penis, but I think Donald Trump should be in the top of all unfuckable celebrities lists, for different reasons, of course.

Personally, I would never sleep with him because he reminds me of a bully that was scaring the shit out of half of my school. Donald, racist bullies are not attractive!

I Am Attracted to Ladies

But Lady Gaga is not one of them. I’ve always found her pretty scary but since the new season of American Horror Story, man I am completely freaked out. I honestly think that she is as creepy in real life as she is in the movie.

However, she might make a really good BDSM escort.

I Would Never Go West

There are many jokes about Kanye screaming his own name while having sex. Well, I can’t actually imagine him having sex with anyone other than himself, so I see no reason for him to scream something else. He is one of the more arrogant celebrities.

So, no, Kanye is definitely not fuckable!

Who’s On Your Unfuckable Celebrities’ List?

Well, these are the celebrities I would not fuck even if they were the last people on Earth. I am quite sure there are some famous people you wouldn’t have sex with so, how about offering us a few names and reason why you don’t find them attractive?

Anna Smith

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