BDSM has been growing in popularity over the last decade. It has become something many want to try in the bedroom, but sometimes our fetishes and kinks aren’t compatible with our partner. This is why some choose to seek the help of a professional.
Professional dommes are the best choice for anyone struggling to find a partner to explore BDSM with. They know what they are doing and so can effortlessly guide you through your kinks and fetishes. They can make you their slave and make you submit. It’s a huge turn on for many to give themselves over in this way.
But people often think being submissive is easy. They think that they just have to do as they are told and nothing else. Being a good submissive is so much more complicated than that. So how can you learn to be a good submissive?
Know your limits
We all have limits, things that we are and are not willing to do when it comes to sex and the world of BDSM. We can take certain levels of punishment, as our pain tolerances tend to be very different. For example, I have tattoos. I absolutely love getting tattoos and the pain is only minor for me. That said, a friend of mine cries every time she gets one because her tolerance is low.
It is a similar principle when it comes to BDSM. Knowing your limits is really helpful to your chosen domme. It helps if you know your limits. Yes, they are good at spotting when things go too far, but you can help them out by making your limits known.
Using your safe word when things get too much isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s actually a sign of strength. You know how much your body can take, better than anyone else, so being honest about it is going to earn you a lot of respect.
Don’t agree to everything
There are certain things that we just don’t enjoy doing. I hate doing dishes, while my flat mate finds it therapeutic at the end of a long day. In the bedroom, I know that things like knife play are a big no for me. I don’t get anything from them, even though I have tried them before.
The incorrect view of a good submissive is that they should allow their mistress to do whatever they want to them. However, this is wrong. You shouldn’t be a doormat. There will be things that you don’t want to do, and telling them to your dominatrix is going to make things so much better for you.
Believe it or not, saying things like “I don’t have a safe word” is a huge red flag to good dommes. It shows that any BDSM you do is more for the sake of self-harm, rather than because you take pleasure from it. You are allowed to say no to things that you don’t want to do, so be honest. If you really trust your domme, then it will only strengthen your D/s relationship.
You have to trust them
This might go without saying, but you have to trust your dominatrix. Yes, knowing your own limits and speaking up when things aren’t how you envisaged is important, but there must be some trust there. After all, you are submitting to them and allowing them to take control of the situation and of you.
If you are going to explore BDSM with them then there are going to be tough moments. They want to push you to your limit without hurting you in a way you don’t want. You have to be able to trust them. If you find yourself at all unsure, you need to let them know.
Not trusting them can be dangerous. In the world of BDSM, this can lead to things going wrong. You don’t want that. Often a good domme will take the time to build that trust with you by slowly easing into things. If you have problems then talk to them. They’ll be willing to listen to try and make the scene as good as they can.
Are you a good submissive?
When I first entered the world of BDSM I thought that I was a good submissive. I would do whatever my domme wanted, regardless of how I felt about it. It meant that I was left feeling shaken by a lot of it because my domme wasn’t good… and I had no idea what it took to be a good submissive.
I’ve learned my lesson. I found a good domme who knew when I was at my limits and stopped. We then talked about it and I started to trust them. I learned to be a good submissive by seeing what a bad one was. My domme was so patient with me and it made a huge difference to me.
Saying “yes Mistress” or “of course Sir” all of the time isn’t what they want. They don’t want to take things too far, which requires knowing when to say your safe word or to say no. It can be hard, but with time you’ll get it. Remember that BDSM is a perfectly healthy lifestyle choice if you get it right.