Sex toys have been heightening sexual pleasure for centuries. In modern sexy times, these adult toys can be purchased in adult erotica stores or over the Internet. But before the web made ordering kink easier and before sexy people had to make a trip down to the XXX store, pray tell, where did these kinky toys come from?
The Gods of Kink were sadly mistaken if they thought our sexy body parts would be enough to keep the horny masses entertained. So our kinky ancestors got down and dirty and successfully got on top of constructing sex toys for the sexy people. Herein are the most common adult toys and their uncommon ancient origins.
Pornography: 33,000 B.C.
Archaeologists found prehistoric porn! It was a female torso that had been carved out of a mammoth’s tusk and it had some ridiculously exaggerated sexy parts.
This is the first example of porn and it’s over 35,000 years old which means it precedes organized religion. The body was the first temple people worshiped. Amen!
Dildo: 23,000 B.C.
An eight inch stone was found in Germany that dated some 26,000 years ago and it’s said to be the oldest known dildo. Fun Fact: Prehistoric dildos are found all the time at excavation sites! Prehistoric masturbation had cave men carving rock cocks for cavernous pleasure holes!
Lube: 350 B.C.
There’s no actual record for when lubricant was first used during sex but it is certain that olive oil was booming in 350 B.C. In ‘History of the Animals,’ Aristotle wrote that ‘smoother sex may make pregnancy less likely.’
Olive oil is also an aphrodisiac and its said that Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom gave an olive tree to the founders of Greece. Want to know what other foods are aphrodisiacs? Take a look at our 13 Fantastic Aphrodisiacs for some great tips.
Did you know that Greece shags more than any other country? It’s no surprise that these oversexed Greeks were inspired to slide and glide with their gift from the kinky Gods!
Geisha Balls: 500 A.D.
The ball got rolling on these kinky balls in the Orient. They are used to heighten pleasure during sex but they can also be used for self pleasure too.
Whether you call them Ben Wa Balls, Rin No Tama or Burmese balls the fact remains, you’ll have a ball, somewhere inside of you! No wonder these sex toys are still so popular today with such fantastic origins.
The Penis Ring: 1200 A.D.
In Ancient China, nobility were expected to make heirs from their wives, mistresses and concubines. As if that wasn’t enough pressure, the first penis ring was created with the intention that it would ensure impregnation. It was made out of the eyelids of a goat and it still had its eyelashes intact for her pleasure!
Sounds pretty disturbing, but it helped them to last longer and give her more pleasure in bed. It also helped many of the Chinese nobles shag again and again without losing steam. If you’d rather not use a penis ring like this, you should read our Sex Olympics: How To Go For Round Two blog!
Condoms: 1560
In Medieval times, horny homies were seriously freaking out about syphilis. The deadly venereal disease was horrifying, it was like the black death of STDs. Enter Gabriele Falloppio. This smart dude invented a linen sheath that had been soaked in chemicals and it destroyed the disease! Although condoms aren’t necessarily a sexy toy, they are sexy wrapping paper for the sexiest toy, you! This medieval dong sack was likely the first known condom used to protect the horny masses from not so sexy diseases!
Science is pretty smart. So smart that they made condoms to protect against STDs so do use what sexy science has given you. Did you know that Science just got smarter and its making a reversible birth control injection for men? Read more about the condom’s super cool rival!
The Vibrator: 1869
During the Victorian period, women were being diagnosed with ‘female hysteria.’ The illness’s treatment included a medical profession rubbing the patient’s pleasure button until she climaxed. Doctors began complaining about boredom and wrist ache. Believe it or not, vibrators came about because of the laziness of man!
Enter George Taylor who invented the first steam-powered vibrator! It wasn’t as big of a hit as J. Granville’s 1800 ‘electrochemical’ design. Which totally hit the spot with housewives that had female hysteria or a lover that was too lazy to play her fiddle!
Butt Plugs: 1892
While he may not have been the first one to put something up the butt, Frank E. Young was the first person to invent the ‘Rectal Dilator’. This 4 ½ inches of pain was hailed as cure to piles and it was even advertised in reputable medical journals!
For forty years, Victorian butt plugs were sold across America until 1938 when the FDA banned them for false advertising. Fun fact: In Victorian times, you actually required a physician’s prescription for butt plugs! In sexy modern times, you just need someone who is willing to play doctor!
Blow-up Dolls: 1904
It was French sailors in the 17th century that created the first sex doll. The doll was a collection of rags with a hole and it was intended for horny homesick homies. A couple centuries later in 1904, vulcanized rubber was patented by the alchemist Rene Schwarble and he began building inflatable dolls for discerning gentlemen.
Four years later, ads for these dolls were on sale in Parisian catalogs. In one of the more creepy ads, they offered to create a custom doll resembling, ‘any actual person living or dead!’ Definitely one of the stranger and creepier origins of sex toys.
Thank the Gods that we’re not lost at sea and desperate enough to have at it with a pile of rags! There are far better options now, like the exquisite erotic companionship of an escort.
Sex toys and beyond!
This marvelously sexy world has been banging for centuries with rudimentary sex toys. It’s a fact, the oldest of all the adult sex toys is the imagination, so let the Kinky Guru help you fulfil your fantasy. Consider it a kinky blessing that we’ve shown up when adult sex toys have not only seen an evolution but also a revolution!
Perhaps the next time you slide a condom on or apply some lube, you may have a new appreciation for sexy history and your kinky present!
She is certainly most famous for her informative, yet hilarious looks at sex from around the world. However, she is also well known for her erotic stories, as well as her blogs on sexual health, which she sees as vital in helping out men and women everywhere.
When she is not knocking other trending articles out of the park, Gabriella likes walking her pet dog, and eating at nice restaurants.
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