Porn Star Talks Sex Sparks And Dry Spells!

It can happen to anyone. You’ll meet a hot and sexy woman on a date, only to have no spark between you. The chemistry isn’t there, and when you’ve been going through a dry spell it can be even more frustrating. So how do you find that spark during sex?

Two girl in underwear look at each other

In a recent interview James Deen, one of the biggest male porn stars, talked about what you do if you haven’t got that spark and what you can do to find it.

Take your time

You might be reading this hoping to find that magical answer to solve all of your problems, but in his interview James Deen was pretty clear that he didn’t have them. So what is it that he does to create that magical spark between him and his partner during sex?

For him, the main thing is communication. If you can’t talk to your partner about their hopes and intentions, how are you going to understand them enough to have sex?

“Sometimes when I’m having sex with people, their desires and motivations to have sex is a physical thing, or an emotional thing, or just a fun thing. It’s just about working with that person and then doing things together. But there’s no trick that’s going to work every time with everyone.”

Even though he will communicate with his partner and talk to them to find out what it is they are hoping to achieve, he admits that sometimes you will find yourself “physically engaged in the act of sex and nothing more, and it’s disconnect. Sometimes the feeling isn’t there. But it’s what you bring to it that you’ll get out.”

So, instead of just waiting and hoping that the spark will magically appear with no effort from you, you have to try and talk to your partner about it. If you feel there is no spark, try and get to know them a little better. It can make all of the difference.

Blond naked seductive woman in sensual hot pose

Sympathy goes a long way

James Deen also talks about the times he has had to have sex with someone for a film and they’ve not had, for example, the greatest hygiene. If you find yourself in that situation, it can be hard to think of anything else.

For him, the best thing to do is to be sympathetic towards your partner and exactly why they might not have good hygiene or much patience.

“It’s not the thing I judge, but the motivation behind it. It’s like, ‘Oh, you don’t brush your teeth because you’re a slob’ versus, ‘Oh, you don’t brush your teeth because you have a horrible mouth issue that you’re getting taken care of next week and you can’t physically brush your teeth, then that makes sense. I’m happy you’re taking care of yourself and I’m sympathetic.”

If you feel as though your partner might be being a little too impatient with you in bed, take the time to think about why. They might have had a difficult day, and so fucking you as hard as they can is a great way for them to get rid of the stress and tension.

When you’re communicating with your partner, you could take the time to talk to them about the issue, if you feel comfortable doing so. They might be able to give you the answers you’ve been looking for, which will allow you to connect with them and help to create that spark.

Remember: sex isn’t everything

Don’t get me wrong – sex can be fucking amazing (pun intended), but if we spend all of our time thinking about sex we aren’t going to enjoy it as much. It will never live up to our expectations, and life has this irritating habit of getting in the way.

Sexy brunette lying in lingerie in bed

Deen talks about this issue, saying that “people grow up and get misanthropic and get down that life is tough, you have to do shit. When shit gets harder, it affects your life. So something as simple as wanting to go out and find someone to touch your genitals and to touch their genitals becomes a process. It’s not as simple as going, ‘Oh, I like them, they’re pretty, let’s go fuck.'”

If it was, we’d be out there shagging away all of the time, right? Well, it isn’t. Sometimes life can get in the way so that when you finally do get to go and have sex, it isn’t as enjoyable as you wanted it to be because you’ve had all this other shit thrown at you.

“Sex is important,” Deen explains, “but it’s not the end-all and be-all of life. The fact that we’re able to have big enough brains to enjoy it is pretty fucking interesting.”

The moral of the story? You should try talking to and understanding your partner before you jump into bed with them. Sex is fun, but by getting to know them you could make the sex amazing and even better than you had hope it would be. Got better sex tips? Share them with us on the Escort Ireland forum, or by posting in the comment box below.

Lara Mills
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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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