‘Huge Penis’ Sends Boy To Jail

Russia has been getting quite a lot of bad press recently. Swiftly on the back of the anti-gay legislation that drew worldwide condemnation, they annexed the Crimea, and are allegedly at the centre of the unrest in eastern Ukraine.

Well, we are not going to jump head first into any political argument as we are bound to upset someone, and to be fair, we would just be guessingas to what is really going on. However, it came as no surprise when another possible human rights violation came to light from that particular country this week.

A ‘Big’ Problem

A lad called Tomas moved from the Ukraine to Moscow to live with his Aunt, and was quickly accused of stealing a mobile phone. Tomas claimed to be 13, but a sceptical court ordered a physical exam that included a look at his private parts. If we presume that Tomas is telling the truth, he was unlucky (or lucky enough) to have such a big willy that doctors thought he was 16 or 17.

Man wearing handcuffs to the front

This may sound quite funny, but it is actually pretty shitty for Tomas, who is now being treated like an adult in the Russian judicial system. I am pretty sure that isn’t much fun at all.

To counter any accusations that this could be Russia sticking to Ukraine over the recent troubles, it has been stated that his teeth were checked also, ‘confirming’ he was older. This leads some people to think that Tomas may not be hung like a donkey, and could instead just be trying to get a lighter sentence after nicking the phone.

For the record, Tomas denies stealing anything, so if he is the victim of an injustice here, he could be getting a double whammy.

However, if he is telling the truth, he will certainly be able to show the ladies a good time when he gets out.

A Better Option

We will see soon enough what the real story is here, but all I can say is, for the time being, the nearest I am going to Russia is when I meet one of the Dublin escorts. A number of them are from that part of the world, so I get to see their beauty without ending up in Siberia for some reason.

Seems the brightest option, I have to say!

Martin Ward
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