How To Have Great (Or Just Good) Sex With Millennial Hipsters

I know, I know. I take the piss out of millennials a lot, but don’t blame me if they’re having less sex than their 45-year-old parents. God, that’s sad. But it’s completely true!

Hipster couple having dinner at a cafe

If you type in the words ‘millennial’ and ‘sex into Google, you’ll get results with titles like:

Millennials Are Having Less Sex Than Other Gens…”

Why Millennials Stopped Having Sex

And…

Less Sex Please, We’re Millennials

You know, for a generation that advocates sex, they don’t seem to have many sexcapades of their own…

There are a few factors why Generation Y is using fewer condoms than Generation X. Their work hours are long and they prefer to spend more of their time on their smartphones than with the person that they’re sitting in a cafe with.

They make you question whether you should interact with them or not. But let’s say you do meet a gorgeous Millennial woman, who fits the hipster stereotype that you’ve read from Buzzfeed, and you want to show her what sex feels like again, you’ll need to take these steps.

1. Seduce your Millennial Sweetheart With Your Instagram Profile

seduce your millennial hipster sweetheart with your Instagram profile

It’s not really important for you to have an Instagram account….Snapchat and TimeHop are still very popular amongst millennials. Since Generation Y would rather tap their fingers on photos rather than penises, you should use Instagram to seduce your lover with filtered photos of your brunch.

Millenials love Food Porn, right? And hipsters love the Nostalgic filter, right? Put the two together and you got yourself a tool of seduction while you’re having organic coffee with her.

Yeah, that’s right. That little app which takes up 150 MB on your smartphone can make any millennial hipster want to get in bed with you.

2. Make the first move within 20 minutes of being in the Millennial’s home

Millennial hipsters like you initiating sex, but gently, so make the first move within 20 minutes when you're in her home

You know what? Millennials are like cats. They don’t like to be touched so brashly but they still crave for your attention. Okay, I’m exaggerating it a little bit…but you can’t just swoop in for the kill the moment you get back to her home.

You’ve heard on the news and the internet about how millennials want to be independent and all, especially the ladies, but they still enjoy a little bit of chivalry from guys every now and then.

So, spend a bit of chatting to your hipster-like lover (while having your arm around her shoulder like a gentleman), before you sweep in for your teenage kiss.*

**That was a term my ex-boyfriend use to say to describe our first kiss. Katy Perry’s ‘Teenage Dream’ was playing in my head when we broke the ice.

3. Play a hipster band that may seem niche but it’s actually mainstream, like ‘The XX’ or ‘The Weeknd’

putting on a nice hipster band like the xx or the weeknd will definitely get your millennial hipster lover in the mood

Is the another way you can make a millennial hipster fall harder for you than playing her favourite niche-not-so-niche band while you make out with her? Avocado with eggs on toast. But that option is out of the question when you want to get lucky with her.

What I quite like about the music Generation Y love’s is that they have a genre that revamps the classic 90’s trip hop. Their version of trip hop has a bit of an edge with a lot of bass in it.

They also say that it’s the kind of music that mainstream people don’t listen to, but MTV begs to differ. Now, if you’ve heard ‘The XX’ and ‘The Weeknd’ play before, you know how aroused their songs can make you feel. And if they can get you turned on, then I’m sure it can turn any millennial hipster on.

4. Be quite dominant without acting like a dom to respect whatever boundaries she might have

Millennials like you being dominant, but not like a bdsm dom, so still be a bit gentle around her

As I’ve mentioned earlier, millennials like to claim their independence in a lot of things, but they still like a bit of chivalry. They wouldn’t like to be completely dominated in the bedroom, but they would like to stay at the bottom if it meant avoiding movement.

You still have to be aware of their boundaries. Of course, every woman has them regardless of age, but Millennials appear to be more sensitive in that area than others.

So, once you got into the groove with your millennial lady, act dominant without acting like a BDSM dom.

5. Make your Millennial cum before you do

think about giving your millennial hipster pleasure before you satisfy yourself

In all honesty, this step should apply to guys who want to have successful sex with all women. But millennials have a more demanding attitude in comparison to boomers.

All I’m going to say is if you want to leave a good impression on both your lady and ego, make her cum first. Plus, make her cum because you want to make her cum, not because you want to boost your masculinity(according to some other articles…).

Make sure you use a condom when you’re getting it on with her, yeah? Your millennial hipster will give you brownie points and a second date together if you put on a rubber. Afterwards, woo her some more with your food porn on Instagram.

Zoe Jaspers
Follow me
Latest posts by Zoe Jaspers (see all)

Please log in here to leave a comment.