Whether you do it for a living, or you do it to put the spice back into your sex life with your spouse of 3 years, BDSM is something you have to try out at least once in your life. It’s fun, it’s enthralling, and it’s a good reason for you to buy a lot of expensive leather products.
Even though the kink has become one of the biggest trends that were talked about in 2014, not every BDSM session is filled with PVC flowers and latex rainbows. There will be a time in a master’s or mistress’ life where he or she will experience a slave getting upset during an encounter.
It’s hard to know when a slave is genuinely upset, or when he or she is just playing the role, which is the reason why safewords exist. For most of your time as the dominant person in the bedroom, or in a sex dungeon, you’ll never see your slave breakdown. But when that one occasion will occur, where a session has become too intense for your slave to handle, you better follow these 3 steps to calm him or her down.
1. Stop the session immediately and proceed with aftercare
If your slave shouts out the chosen safeword, or the colour red, you have to stop the session, no matter what. Untie your slave from whatever chains or shackles you’ve tied him or her up in, take off any clamps or pegs that you’ve attached to him or her, gently pull out any toys that you may have penetrated him or her in, and start the aftercare with your slave.
Aftercare is what you do at the end of a session, where you spend some intimate time with your slave to recover, and to tender to the slave’s emotional or physical needs. If you don’t do this at the end of every play, then you need to read your ‘BDSM 101’ bible again.
2. Check for cuts, scratches or bruises on your slave
This is what my dom would do at the end of every session. He would first wrap a towel around me to make sure that I don’t let the sweat cool on my skin; I get very sweaty when I’m being sexually humiliated.
Afterwards, he would check every inch of my body for cuts, scratches or bruises that he may have accidentally made; not every sub or slave likes to have marks that last for a couple of days. Back in my early days as a sub, I made the rookie mistake of not letting my dom give me the proper aftercare that I needed, and some of the marks that were left on me lasted for approximately 5 days. Luckily the bruises were only on my ass, but it wasn’t a pretty sight to look at when I undress in the bathroom.
3. Make sure that your slave gets home safely
To be honest, making sure that your slave gets home safely is a common courtesy within the BDSM community; my dom would always stay with me until I reach my doorstep, even when I’d tell him that I’ll be alright walking home on my own. If you’re relatively new to the domination scene, you have to understand that the dominant person not only humiliates the slave, but also takes care of him or her too.
Anything could happen during a BDSM encounter; the slave could suddenly start suffering from trauma, or could suddenly get seriously injured. If your slave is ever in any need of medical assistance, you have to call the emergency services.
I don’t care if you’ll get embarrassed when you have to explain to the doctors that you’ve put your slave in a chokehold, the safety of the slave is more important than your dignity. I’m sorry I sounded harsh then, but it had to be said.
Why do you need to learn those three things?
Many critics have made accusations about the amount of abuse that was portrayed in ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, which makes people believe that it’s OK for them to humiliate their submissive partners to a point where they start to hate the BDSM session until they start crying. BDSM is supposed to be enjoyed by both the dominant and the submissive, but then again, you never be too sure what would trigger your slave, and what wouldn’t.
Therefore, it’s important to know what to do to make sure that your slave won’t leave your bedroom, or your sex dungeon, with a bad taste in his or her mouth.
She is possibly most famous for her erotic stories, but is equally adept at giving top quality sex advice, all the time bringing in her 'personal experiences'.
When she isn't sharing her most intimate encounters, Zoe keeps herself active by watching videos on Youtube, and listening to music.
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