Seven Pieces of Awful Sex Advice By Cosmopolitan

Even though I say it myself, this site gives some great sex advice. They are tips gained from years of association with sex workers who actually know what they are doing. However, it is fair to say that not all sites have our ability.

Unhappy couple in bedroom

Take Cosmopolitan for example. They have some bloody good articles there, but it is fair to say that the sex advice is hit and miss at best.

Well, I had a bit of time on my hands yesterday so had a look through some of their nuggets. I have to say, I found some shockers.

So here we go. Whatever you do, ignore everything you are about to read!

1) Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects

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Yes, a load of snot in your face is super-sexy. Sign me up!

2) Press a fork (firmly, but don’t break the skin or anything) into different parts of his body—his butt cheeks, his pecs, his thighs

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What could possibly go wrong? Also, doing it sound a bit to much like a date with the local lunatic.

3) Very softly bite the skin of his scrotum

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Seriously, do that to me and I will kill you.

4) In the shower, get him to shave your legs for ultimate submission

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Yes, there is nothing sexier than shaving a woman’s legs.

5) Have someone hide in the closet but don’t tell your partner

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I am not even sure of the legality of this. I am pretty convinced if I did it I would be single straight after though.

6) Instruct him to wrap your chest and torso in plastic wrap and touch you through it — the muted sensation feels amazeballs

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This just sounds fucking boring.

7) Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other… you can tap it back and forth like you’re volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft and testicles

 

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Erm, that sounds incredibly painful.

So there we have it. I am not sure who created these tips, but I suspect it was someone who actually had very little experience of sex!

Have you ever been given shocking sex advice? Let us know in the comments box below!

Martin Ward
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Martin Ward

Martin Ward is a well respected editor and writer with over five years experience in the adult industry. After stints in the Escort Advertising call centre and on the escort forum, he moved into the site editor position around three years ago.

Since then, he has specialised in articles on the battle for equal rights for sex workers, sexual health, as well as bringing the readers fun news from around the world. He also has a major interest in LGBT rights, and is an active campaigner in this field.

When he isn't fighting the good fight, he enjoys spending time with his girlfriend, and young daughter. He also enjoys reading and taking long walks.
Martin Ward
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