When done correctly, fingering can feel fantastic. It feels unbelievably good, especially when your partner puts their fingers in just the right spot. When they know what they are doing they can make you squirm and writhe in ecstasy from nothing more than their fingers. It’s an impressive skill to have.
And yet a lot of people would rather they didn’t get touched in that way at all. Usually this is because of a number of bad experiences, where their partners have been fingering wrong. They’ve made what should be an amazing sex act unpleasant enough to not repeat. Are you guilty of making the same mistakes?
1. Not taking hygiene seriously
This is something I have talked about in numerous blogs. Hygiene is important when it comes to sex. And when I say sex, I mean all aspects of sex. Don’t just concentrate on cleaning your cock if you want a blowjob. You should take the time to ensure all of your is clean and prepped. Fingering is no different.
Your nails are likely to be the main problem. Take a moment to look at your nails right this second. How do they look? Are they clean? Are they trimmed short? Are the edges all neat? Or have you been chewing on them to leave the edges jagged and more like weapons?
If they are dirty or rough, you’re going to need to take care of that before you start trying to stick your fingers in anywhere. Dirty nails aren’t a turn on, but this isn’t the only reason to give them a scrub. The vagina is sensitive, and it is very easy to throw off the pH balance off. Cleaning your nails helps to prevent this. Jagged nails are a nightmare too. Catch your partner while you are fingering them and you can cause them a lot of pain. You can cut them, and if your nails are dirty this can cause big problems for them. It won’t take more than a few minutes to scrub under your nails and file them smooth, so please do it.
2. You’ve no idea where you’re touching
So you’ve decided that you’d love nothing more than to slip your finger between her juicy pussy lips and attempt to fill her with it. Good for you. The real question is, how are you going about it? You’ve probably already guessed where this is going, but if you are blindly guessing about what to do then you are doing it wrong.
It helps if you have a good understanding of female genitalia. If you don’t, it is time for a lesson! Just to be clear, I’m not saying that you have to memorise all of the names for the various parts of the body. I’m saying that it can help to be familiar with them so you know where to touch. Yes, there is far more to her body than her clit and her cunt.
Whenever I’ve spoken to people about it, they have referred to the area between her legs as the vagina. This is incorrect. The name for the area is vulva, and there is so much more to the area than the vaginal canal. All of the areas can be sensitive in their own right, so try to pay attention to them all when you are slipping your hand between her legs.
3. Diving straight in
In your excitement to finger your partner, you might make the mistake of diving straight in. I know that you want to get in there, but don’t just rush into it. Don’t just part their legs and stick your finger straight in. Seriously. Don’t do it.
The vagina is self-lubricating for many, but it isn’t instantaneous. We can’t turn it off and on. We don’t just think “be wet” and are instantly wet. If they aren’t wet, it can hurt for you to force your finger inside of them. This means that you need to slowly warm our bodies up and use lube. Your hands can touch her all over her body, slowly teasing their way down. Soft and slow strokes often work well for many, as it shows that you are willing to take your time to make them feel good.
Pay attention to all of their vulva before you start sticking your finger inside. Remember that diagram from earlier? This is the part where it comes in handy, no pun intended. Mons pubis is actually quite a sensitive area which is often neglected. Slowly running your fingers down this area can make your partner feel really good. It helps if you don’t go straight for the clit or the vagina. Instead stroke at the labia majora and the labia minora (the outer and inner pussy lips). It helps to build anticipation and turn your partner on.
4. How do you use your hands?
Fingering is not rocket science, but it can still be very complicated. As a result, there are many ways that you can get fingering wrong. How wrong that is will depend on the person you are fingering, but a lot of the mistakes often come from the way that you use your hands on them.
You might be tempted to stick your finger in and ram it back and forth at a high speed. For some people this works, but often you are best to slowly insert your finger and use the ‘come hither’ motion. When you do this, your finger should press against a spongy area on the front wall of the vagina. This is the g-spot, and with the right pressure and stimulation you can really make your partner come hard. Combine this action with clitoral stimulation from your thumb for the best effect.
Please note that I said “your finger” and not “your fingers”. One is often enough for a lot of people. Some may like more. But if you are trying to put more than two fingers inside then you are no longer trying to finger them – you’re trying to wear them like a puppet. Unless you’ve talked about it before hand, stop!
5. Ignoring your partner
There is one person who will know the best way to touch your partner to make them feel good, and I’m sorry to say that it isn’t you. Your partner knows their own body the best. They’ll know which areas make them feel good and which motions work to get them to come.
So pay attention to your partner as you finger them. If they seem to be trying to move your hand or finger to another part of their body, follow their lead. It might be that your touch is a little too intense where you are, or that they simply prefer being touched somewhere else. Their moans and groans will tell you a lot, as will their body language. Don’t get so caught up in their cunt that you forget to pay attention to the person!
The best advice that I can give you to help you avoid fingering wrong is to actually talk to your partner. You aren’t a mind-reader, and they will know this. If you are at all unsure of how you are doing, ask them. You can do this by saying things like “is this pressure okay?”. It gives them the chance to tell you want them want, whereas saying things like “you like that, don’t you?” doesn’t. Give them the chance to tell you what they need and then listen.
Have you been getting fingering wrong?
People seem to think that fingering is really easy. They believe that simply sticking as many fingers as they can inside and thrusting them like they would to get a cup clean is all that is needed to get a woman off. They don’t think about their hygiene or the fact that their actions could be causing their partner pain.
If you have been getting fingering wrong all of this time, don’t worry. You can make the decision to change that all now. Learn more about the body and start to take better care of your fingernails. It will make a huge difference. If you are in any doubt, ask your partner. Communication is one of the best sex tips I can give you, so start talking!
Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.
In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
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