The 5 Essentials Of BDSM

When people talk about BDSM they often talk about the pain that people go through. Those who don’t know much about it assume it is just lots of pain and no pleasure. That isn’t the case, but they become so fixated on these things that they don’t realise there is a lot more to BDSM than whips and chains.

Woman in hat and whip showing no talk

If you have no experience of BDSM, or you are simply curious to see what else is a part of it, you are in the right place. We take a look at the five essentials of BDSM so that you know what you should expect from your kinky session.

1. Communicating needs

Before any BDSM session starts, you need to talk to your mistress or dom. It isn’t enough to say to think “I want to try this”. Every single session with them will be different. Even if you want to try something like watersports there are so many variations on what this could mean that you’ll need to discuss it with your dom or mistress.

Take the time to sit down with them and go through all of the details. Found that you aren’t sure of what you should say? Try asking these questions of yourself and your dom. What are you hoping the outcome of your session will be? Is there anything you don’t want to try? What do you want to happen during the session?

These might seem like three simple questions, but they can really help you and your partner form an outline for the things that should and could happen. From there you can go into detail about the entire thing to make an incredible experience.

2. Knowledge and understanding

You might have seen a porn video online that had a fun kinky thing in that you want to try. You might then want to try it for yourself and go seeing about booking a hot dominatrix to guide you through it.

Before you do, you should do some research. You need to know exactly what it is, and viewing one video is not going to be enough. You need to do far more research in order to enhance your knowledge and understanding of just what it is.

Online forums can be a huge help. Why not check out the fetish scene on the Escort Ireland forum? You can talk to others like you about your fetish and discover more about it. They can even direct you to other websites to help your understanding of the subject.

3. Trusting your partner

The world of kink might be exciting and something you are really keen to explore, but you don’t want to dive into it with just anybody. You need to trust your partner.

Trust is a huge part of domination. Without it, you won’t be able to relax and truly enjoy the session. You need to be able to trust your partner to know your limits and take you as close as they can to the limit without pushing you over the edge… unless you want them to.

A good dominatrix will know exactly what you need without you having to utter a word, and this all comes down to trust. Once you have that kind of trusting relationship with them you’ll be willing to try anything, as you know that they’ll stop when it gets too intense.

4. Set a safe word

Which brings us nicely onto one of the first things people talk about when they want to help others try kink for the first time. During your session you might find that things get a little intense and that you need to stop and take a break. It might be a complete stop or it might simply be a brief break while you catch your breath.

Even if you think you can handle it you’ll need to set a safe word. A safe word is a word you can say during the session to stop the action.

When choosing a safe word it is important to go for something that you won’t say during sex anyway. A lot of people tend to go for things like fruit, as you can easily say “apple” and instantly stop things from going further.

5. Aftercare

Your BDSM session doesn’t just stop as soon as the act you wanted to try and explore is over. One thing that many tend to forget about when it comes to kinky session is the aftercare.

Aftercare is essential. It is when your dom will take the time to show you just how appreciated and loved you are. If it has been a particularly intense session it might involve a little cuddling and nice words. It shows that you have done well and can help to bring you gently down from the most intense feelings.

Without aftercare you’ll find that you leave your session anxious and unfocused. By taking the time to enjoy aftercare, you will soon discover that it can really make a difference to your session.

The essentials of BDSM

Contrary to popular belief, BDSM is not all about pain. It is about pleasure and trust between you and your partner. Without that, and the things we have outlined above, you’ll find that your session just isn’t as pleasant as it could be.

Thought of some other essentials you want to share? Maybe you have some top tips you want to tell others about? You can let them know by leaving a comment in the box below. Join in the discussion and see what others have to say to your suggestions.

Lara Mills
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Lara Mills

Lara Mills is a writer who has four years of sex industry expertise behind her. Since she entered the adult industry, she has worked on the Escort Advertising forums, before moving into her current role three years ago.

Since then she has gained a fine reputation with her blogs on sex advice, sexual health and amusing news stories from around the globe. She is also a campaigner for the rights of sex workers from all over the world.

In her spare time, Lara keeps herself active by going running, and is something of a film buff. She also loves to go travelling.
Lara Mills
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