No more porn
I'm giving it up tomorrow. Not as a New Year's resolution; just in general.
I had sex for the first time in a long time last week, the first time I'd had my leg over anything except a pillow for aaaaaaages. And let me tell you, it was the most dreadful sex a man or woman can have. And it's completely my fault. It's my fault because I've been touching myself a lot during these COVID times this year and my silly soldier let me down.
How often is a lot? Well since lockdown, and without much else to do during the day or weekend, I would say I commit self-abuse in the name of ejaculation probably 15 times per week. And it's been like 36 weeks since the country and society shut down, so I've had somewhere in the region of 540 wanks since March. My testicles should look like a deflated balloon at a bold child's birthday party, but thankfully they're somehow still in good shape.
The problem with treating your willy like a snow-globe for the guts of nine months is that when you're actually with a real girl again, it's very difficult to perform. It's very difficult to get a healthy erection and even more difficult to keep the fucking thing because there's a physical and sexual desensitisation which sort of comes into play. You look down at her doing her thing and think, 'Hey, you're not Riley Reid? And that isn't a very big penis either. What's going on here I'm not used to this at all'' and that's when you get into trouble, because real life isn't as sexy to you as fantasy anymore, even when she *is* sexy.
At that point, it's a big melting pot of inadequacy because not only are you feeling like less of a man for not finishing and going a bit limp, but you also feel horrible about yourself over the possibility that you might've made a young and gorgeous female feel inadequate about herself for not being able to get you off, when actually it's one billion percent YOUR fault, not hers.
I can't feel like a man or make a woman feel like a woman until I detox from porn and fix my brain. There's definitely physical things going on too, because I am overweight and a smoker, but after a bit of research I realise it's mostly this, mostly porn.
And unfortunately, this website counts as porn.
I can't tell you how often I've logged in here and had my boxers around my ankles 10 minutes later. If Daisy writes about sucking a cock I get turned on. I've just turned myself on writing that sentence, as a matter of fact.
Look, if it was just Canali talking about his helicopter or Barney talking about his financial crisis, I could handle that, but there's a bunch of other stuff that also turns me on here: Casey's profile picture, Claudia AX saying 'Hiiiiiii!' in her Spanish accent, Maksim's website, the way Jessica looks like Katy Perry in one of her pictures, Sarra Barra's long posts, the way Lisa subtly yet viciously mocks punters she disagrees with, Nina calling herself a 'cunt' in one of her blogs [it's weird but I do like when girls refer to themselves as cunts in a tongue-in-cheek sense - I think it's because a lot of us were raised to believe that's the Satan of curse words, so seeing or hearing girls break the rules to say it about themselves gets me a bit hot].
Some of these things obviously don't constitute 'porn' but they do turn me on, and that's the sort of thing you have to avoid. Besides, there's also about 800 beautiful women with their boobs out on the main website, which has to be avoided at all costs too.
You might remember that the only reason I wanted to punt in the first place was to try rebuild sexual confidence that was lost in some weight gain and even though last week was a complete flop [ignore the pun lads, you're better than that], I did sort of feel better after the smoke cleared.
I'll punt again in a few months probably, because that's apparently how long it takes to function like a real man again, to uncondition yourself from the fake world of pornography.
I know the real thing is much better - I just have to remember and I do think by abstaining from masturbation, I will remember. I feel like Peter Pan in Hook after he forgets how to fly, but I can't fly with ya'll so it's goodbye for now and I wish you all health, wealth [especially you Mr Rubble] and happiness in 2021 and beyond.
Cheers.
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Originally Posted by Brooksey86
