Crap joke of the day

**Mrbean76** · 14-05-20, 22:32

I went out dressed as a chicken last night and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A life long question was answered. It was the chicken.

**Mrbean76** · 14-05-20, 22:37

I bumped into my mate Dave the other day, the poor bastard has only one arm.

I said " where are you off to Dave?"

He said " I'm going to change a light bulb"

I laughed my head off and said " that's going to be a bit awkward isn't it?"

" Not really" he said, " I've still got the receipt you horrible cunt"

**Mrbean76** · 20-05-20, 23:33

My wife says I only have two faults

I don't listen and something else....

**Mrbean76** · 20-05-20, 23:41

Sex is like a petrol station. Sometimes you get full service, sometimes you have to ask for service and sometimes you have to be happy with self service!!

**Mrbean76** · 21-05-20, 11:01

Knock Knock...

"Who's there?"

"It's Jesus, let me in..."

" Why"?

" I have to save you"

"From what" ?

" From what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in"

Thank God I'm an atheist.

**Floki** · 21-05-20, 17:05

Originally Posted by Deleted

A boy asks his dad, 'What's the difference between potential & realistic?'..

The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, & then he'd tell him the answer..

The boy goes up to his mom & asks her. She responds, ' A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!'

He then goes & asks his sister to which she replies, 'Brad Pitt? Hell, yeah, he's the hottest guy ever!'..

Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, 'A million dollars?! Hell yes I would, I 'd be rich!'..

When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family's responses, the dad says. ' Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts & a queer'..

Sorry, but that doesn't belong in here.
That was not a crap joke, it was funny

**Floki** · 21-05-20, 17:06

Got a deaf neighbour and thought it would be fun to play 'Knock a Door and Run'.
Been hiding in his garden bush for 3 days now, still no answer.

**Mrbean76** · 22-05-20, 19:59

I used to be dyslexic but I'm ko now !!

**whoseyourdaddy** · 22-05-20, 21:50

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

**Mrbean76** · 27-05-20, 19:15

My doctor gave me a year to live, so I shot him.

The judge gave me forty years.

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