Joke of the day

[emmasweet]

An arab at airport:
- Name?
- Abdul AlRazhib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no, I mean male or female.
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, dog, even sheep.
- But isn’t that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no, deer run to fast!!

[emmasweet]

Husband walks in the park with his wife. At one point, they pass a gentleman removes his hat as unknown, and greet them.
- What educated man! - Says the husband.
- Educated on hell, if u know how him snore

[emmasweet]

In wine is power, the beer's health, in bourbon's distinctive and water are germs .....

[emmasweet]

Two blondes.
- I know how to do magic?
- Do not believe it!
First off light blonde.
The second:
- Oauu, but where is the light?
The first blonde opens the fridge:
- Look where there hid !

[emmasweet]

An old man and old woman, husband and wife die in an accident and go to heaven.
There service angel takes them on a beach full of palm trees and a beautiful house and says:
-Now all you have to do in heaven is to sit here and enjoy it all.
Santa turns to old lady and he says:
-See what you were bad? We could be here for 10 years but Nooo ... you wanted to eat healthy

[TheBestPoster]

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."


My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.

[Forrest]

Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
No phone numbers.

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year.

Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
It changes your blood type.

[morningglory]

I called in to visit my dyslexic friend last weekend.

He was busy covering his knob with black shoe polish.
I said to him, 'You fuckin muppet..',


'You are supposed to turn your clock back...'

[69patrick69]

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet.
We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels.
I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north.
I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse.
Your call.

[Dirty Harry]

a woman came up to me and told me she was a big fan of shania twain i told her that don't impress me much.