Joke of the day

[Forrest]

Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forward and gets her head stuck in some railings.
Simon gets turned on by Cheryl's sexy ass and, quick as a flash, pulls down her knickers and fucks her from behind.
When he's finished, he turns to Louis and says: "It's your turn"
Louis starts crying and Simon asks him what's wrong.
"My head won't fit in those railings", Louis sobs.

[Rayden]

Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forward and gets her head stuck in some railings.
Simon gets turned on by Cheryl's sexy ass and, quick as a flash, pulls down her knickers and fucks her from behind.
When he's finished, he turns to Louis and says: "It's your turn"
Louis starts crying and Simon asks him what's wrong.
"My head won't fit in those railings", Louis sobs.

A much needed laugh, thank you good sir.

[Forrest]

A much needed laugh, thank you good sir.

Yeah, we need more humour, less politics, arguments and all the shit that goes with it.

[mr maxi]

As a family we are trying to keep up with technology.
So i bought my son an IPod , my daughter an IPhone and myself an IPad.
I felt sorry for the wife so i bought her an IRon and that's when it all fucking kicked off.
Ungrateful bitch.

[Rayden]

Yeah, we need more humour, less politics, arguments and all the shit that goes with it.

Yep, must make a mental note to avoid said sh!t in teh future.

[mr maxi]

Cheap food for the freezer. That's why mums go to Iceland.
Cheap young sluts that will do anything in bed. That's why dads go to Thailand

[mr maxi]

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying 'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said 'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH'

[Forrest]

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor, dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.

[Forrest]

One day a man went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.
As there was nobody there he doesn't care.
He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.
Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"
The man replies with "it's a birdy, but never, ever touch it."
He soon falls asleep.
Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area.
The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.
Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done.
She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me.
I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

[emmasweet]

One day a man walked through the woods. At one point meets a bear.

The man put his knees and says:

- Dear God, please give this bear Christian thoughts!

PUUUFFFF and desire is fulfilled

Place the bear in knee

- God Bless this meal