Clubcard

[ladiesman217]

Tonight on LDM investigates. The real identity of Clubcard revealed.

But first: do you realise, that we all walk around with dirty arses? You sit down on the toilet. Your sausages are baked and ready to be released from the oven. Out they come, 'plop plop plop'. Then you get your bit of tissue paper, and wipe. Then wipe again. Wipe some more. And you think it's all squeaky clean. But it really isn't. It doesn't really get up there to get the hard to reach bits!

Well switch over to bidets! Give your arse a proper wash! Never have to buy toilet paper again! So not only does it save you money in the long run, but it's better for the environment!

Speaking of tissue paper... Why is it always a case in public toilets (work places, bars, restaurants, hotels, airports, etc) that it's more like wiping your arse with sandpaper than actual tissue paper? I swear, my arse is red raw.

Now... Clubcard's real identity. Some say, that to fool the world's greatest detective, you need only hide the truth under his/her nose. And how true that be. Ladies and gentlemen... all this time, his true name has been before us as clear as day. Well tonight. Mr Clubcard's secret is no more. I can reveal that Mr Clubcard's real name is... ... ... ...

*drum roll please maestro*

...
...
...

TESCO CLUBCARD!



There he is! You thought you'd get away with it forever didn't you, you son of a bitch.

The world isn't big enough to hide from me.

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Why is there a Pokémon poll? To piss off Clubcard, duh!

[PhilPhilPhil]

I may regret asking this but once you're done with the bidet do you not still need to 'dry' off? Or do you just slosh around the place with a soggy hole for the next hour?
Wet wipes are the best, you can get right up there.

[Clubcard]

YOU WANT THE TRUTH........ YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

also sandpaper toilet paper is way better than that shiny greaseproof paper stuff they have in prison.

[bananabox999]